Proper parenting means: right for you and your child

How do I raise my child correctly? Not so long ago, this question would have caused parents to shake their heads. Child-rearing was not a publicly discussed topic but a family matter. There was no scientifically proven "optimization model", but rather it was based on the parents' experience and intuition.

Extreme parenting:

Childrearing has always been subject to certain trends. In the imperial era, children were expected to behave like little adults; corporal punishment was part of it.

The exact opposite was the anti-authoritarian movement, in which children grew up completely without rules or boundaries. Even today, parenting is in danger of sliding into an extreme characterized by uncertainty and an obsessive push for promoting development.

The pressure is rising:

Today parents increasingly feel pressured to raise their children lovingly, to optimally promote them at the same time, and still to have a fulfilling, balanced life as adults. The result is general uncertainty, both regarding child-rearing and with respect to their own wants and needs.

What feels right?

A good rule of thumb for raising children is: If it feels right, it's usually the right thing. Parents who respond attentively to their child usually have a fairly reliable gut feeling about parenting questions. The perhaps greatest challenge is to rely on this intuition and on one's own parenting skills – then the most important step toward the right upbringing is taken.

What are my goals in parenting?

Happiness and contentment:

All parents want their children to be happy. But what does happiness require - and what can parenting contribute to that? For most people, freedom, self-actualization and self-determination are important factors for happiness. Applied to children, this means: If a child has the opportunity to develop their personality, if they are accepted as they are and supported by their parents in their talents and weaknesses, then the most important prerequisites for happiness are in place.

Independence:

Raising a child to be independent is a much greater challenge for the parents than for the child itself. Because it means letting go of control, trusting your child and allowing them to make mistakes and experience setbacks.Most important tool: praise - this is how you give your child the self-confidence they need to handle things on their own.

Empathy and responsibility:

Empathy is gaining importance not only in our society but also in professional life. And it is no longer a 'typically female' trait, because empathy goes far beyond compassion: it is the foundation for the ability to respond to others individually, to accurately assess situations, and to act appropriately, i.e. 'correctly'.

Politeness and respect:

Teaching your child politeness doesn't sound so difficult, since the typical phrases are quickly learned. For children to truly become respectful and attentive people - and not just when they are asked to be - something more is needed: the ability for empathy and above all the good example set by the parents.

Courage and initiative:

Does my child have to be brave? Not necessarily when it comes to jumping from the diving board - but courage can also mean standing up for one's own position or showing feelings. Children who are raised to be self-confident and responsible can assert themselves better and are not easily pushed into behavioral patterns that do not match their personality: in this respect, courage is also a prerequisite for one's own satisfaction.

External support: seeking parenting help

What if you notice that you cannot solve certain problems with your child on your own? Or if a situation is so entrenched that only outside help can save family life? For these cases there are a number of services, e.g.:

• Parenting counseling:

  Free counseling service, for example from the local family counseling center or from the General Social Service (ASD).

• Appointment with a child psychologist: 

  In the conversation not only your child's behavior but also that of the parents is discussed in order to identify problems and solutions.

• Occupational therapy:

  Occupational therapy is often recommended for children who have difficulty fitting into their environment and finding their place. Parents can support the therapeutic measures.

• Social-pedagogical family support:

  Social-pedagogical family support or parenting support workers, especially in problematic family situations.

Image credits

Mother and child cuddling in bed © Trendsetter Images - AdobeStock

Father holds girl tightly against him © Halfpoint - AdobeStock

Baby walking while holding a hand in the nursery © eggeeggjiew -AdobeStock

Child sticks out their tongue at their mother © Anatoliy Karlyuk - AdobeStock