My child cries at kindergarten

Why does my child cry at daycare drop-off?

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It's completely normal for there to be tears in the first weeks of daycare. Depending on the child's personality, it can take one to six weeks for your child to fully settle into the new environment and internalize the routine of drop-off, daycare days, and pickup. But what if it continues to cry at goodbye afterward? Or if, after a longer time, it suddenly starts clinging again even though nothing has happened?

Irrational fears: Fears are part of child development, even if they are completely unfounded. Therefore your child may suddenly develop a fear of being 'abandoned'. It is important that you still bring your child to daycare, because only if they realize their fears are unfounded can they overcome them.

Specific problems: Sometimes a child has worries or fears that parents and caregivers don't notice on their own. Very reserved children sometimes have difficulty being accepted into the group and experience the daycare routine as very stressful. Talk to the caregivers and ask them to describe the daycare day to rule out such difficulties. Most kindergarten children cannot yet put their problems properly into words and therefore cannot ask for help themselves.

Habit: Children notice very closely how their parents react to their behavior. If they realize that crying and screaming throw you off balance, it can turn into a little game: Who wins the struggle over saying goodbye? Ask the caregivers how long your child needs to calm down after you leave. If it stops crying immediately after you are out the door, you should try to make the goodbye shorter and more decisive in the future.

Dealing with guilt

It's an awful way to start the day when you have to leave a crying child at daycare must. Rely on your gut: Do you trust the daycare and the caregivers? Is your child happy and well-balanced in everyday life? In the vast majority of cases (if specific problems at daycare can be ruled out) it's worth persevering: Eventually your child will impatiently say goodbye at the door so it can finally go and play.

Tips against tears: How to make saying goodbye easier

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Make sure there are no problems: Ask your child at home and talk to the caregivers at a calm moment: Are there problems or conflicts during the daycare day? Try to find out whether only the goodbye is difficult or whether your child generally doesn't want to go to daycare.
Keep goodbyes brief: Even if it's difficult, don't prolong the goodbye too much. Your child will quickly realize that they can hold you back and will escalate their crying even more.
Physical contact: A firm hug and a kiss are part of saying goodbye at daycare. You show your child that you love them, and it's also a familiar, daily ritual that your child quickly gets used to.
Support during goodbye: If your child doesn't want to let you go, an educator should try to distract them, e.g. by picking them up or offering a favorite activity like reading aloud. That way you can leave without drama.
Farewell rituals: Many children find goodbyes easier if they follow a fixed pattern. Think of a specific phrase or a short poem that only the two of you say quietly. Or your child may wave to you from the door and blow you exactly three air kisses. Develop your own farewell rituals.

Provide reassurance: Of course your child knows that you will pick them up again. A little extra reassurance usually helps ease the pain of saying goodbye. Promise to definitely turn around on the street and wave once more, allow your child to take their favorite toy, or show them on the clock when you'll be back.

The 'kiss bouncy ball' as a pick-me-up

Sometimes your child also benefits from feeling your presence during the daycare day. How about, for example, a small gift, which reminds your little one that you will be back at the end of the day?

It could look like this:

'Fill', together with your child each day a glittering star bouncy ball with loving comfort kisses and give it to your child for the day.
Whenever the longing is particularly strong, they reach for the bouncy ball and take one of the little kisses.
Every bouncy-ball kiss softly whispers 'Everything is okay! Mommy and Daddy may be gone but they are still there. And very soon we'll see each other again – with a proper greeting kiss.'

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