I'm going to be a father – How will my life change?

First of all: Congratulations! You're going to be a dad and very soon one of the most important and loved people in a child's life. Will life change because of that? Absolutely! And you're probably thinking about the following changes right now:

Responsibility:

• Suddenly there's someone who needs your time, love and attention. Not being responsible only for yourself anymore can be frightening. But relax: you'll grow into your new role!

Finances:

• Your priorities will probably change even before the birth when it comes to financial planning will change: the crib instead of a romantic holiday, a bigger apartment instead of a new car. Depending on how you want to divide childcare and work, some income may also be lost. As parents, discuss how you can financially plan the time before and with your child. Clarity is reassuring!

Flexibility:

• Activities with a child usually need to be planned. A spontaneous evening meeting or a weekend trip will now probably not be so easy to make happen. In return, the time you can spend together as a family becomes ever more precious.

Relationship as a couple:

• Clearly: In the first weeks and months with a baby, everything revolves around the new person in your life. Especially as a father you may have during the pregnancy and after the birth of the child you may feel sidelined. But don't worry: life with a child is constantly changing. When everything has settled and the baby is bigger, there will be more time for the relationship again.

Parental leave for fathers – this helps with planning

The time to build a deep and intense relationship with their child usually comes for fathers after the pregnancy. Until then you could feel the kicks in the mother's belly and admire the ultrasound images. Once the baby is finally here, fathers can also cuddle, read aloud and change diapers.

Becoming a dad and being a dad

• Even though it is still mainly mothers who take parental leave – as a father you also have the right to parental leave. More and more fathers are making use of it to be just as present for their children as their partners. Keep the following in mind when planning parental leave:

Talk to your employer:

• Many employers are positive about the new role of fathers. However, this shift in thinking has not reached everyone yet. Seek a personal conversation with your employer to discuss your attitudes and perspectives.

Plan finances:

• Overall, mother and father are entitled to parental leave for up to two years. However, they are only entitled to parental allowance for 14 months. Therefore, as parents, consider how to divide the time and still have enough money to provide for the family.

Observe deadlines:

• You must submit the application for parental leave no later than 7 weeks before it begins. However, dismissal protection only applies eight weeks before it begins. For this reason, it's best to submit your application during this intermediate period.

Back at work:

• When you return to work after parental leave, you have the right to the same pay. However, this does not necessarily mean you will take on the same duties as before. So speak openly with your employer about your wishes and future plans.

Help, I'm going to be a dad! – Tips for expectant fathers

As expectant dads, you have a lot on your mind right now. At the same time you may feel like you're playing a secondary role in this new adventure. But be sure to take yourselves and your emotions seriously. We have a few tips for you on how to deal with this new situation in life.

Seek advice:

• There may already be fathers in your circle of friends. Ask them for a relaxed meeting and get advice on which solutions helped with questions and doubts.

Get informed:

• Many men find it helpful to take action, gather information and plan things to make the situation more tangible. Of course – you can't father-child relationships to plan, but you can plan your finances, parental leave and/or the right stroller model.

Involve your partner:

• No one needs the image of the strong man who doesn't talk about feelings anymore. As parents, try to talk together about your feelings and find solutions for insecurities. That not only brings you closer together, but also helps you to express the things that are on your mind.

Be actively involved in the pregnancy:

• Try, if possible, to be present at prenatal appointments or to start bonding with the baby bump. That way the baby is already familiar with your voice and you are included as a father in the pregnancy.

Frequently asked questions about becoming a father

Where can I have paternity acknowledged?

• You can have paternity acknowledged free of charge at the youth welfare office (Jugendamt) or the registry office (Standesamt). A paternity acknowledgment is necessary if you as a couple are not married and are expecting a child together.

I'm going to be a father – what needs to be done?

• Above all, you may rejoice! Soon there will be a new person in your life who will be connected to you forever. As a father during the pregnancy you can especially support your partner. Talk about your wishes and ideas for life with a child and plan how you want to organize the first weeks and months financially and logistically.

What can relieve the fear of becoming a father?

• As an expectant dad, it is perfectly normal to feel fears and doubts. The best help is to talk about your own concerns, seek advice from other young fathers and be open about fears and worries within the partnership.

Image credits

Father lying with baby on bed © Louis-Photo – stock.adobe.com

Father and mother with stroller © New Africa – stock.adobe.com

Father with dog and baby © anoushkatoronto – stock.adobe.com

laughing baby with father©Prostock-studio– stock.adobe.com