I'm going to be a father – how will my life change?

First of all: congratulations! You're going to be a dad and very soon one of the most important and beloved people in a child's life. Will your life change because of that? Absolutely! And you're probably thinking about the following changes right now:

Responsibility:

• Suddenly there's someone who needs your time, love and attention. Not being responsible only for yourself anymore can be frightening. But don't worry: you'll grow into your new role!

Finances:

• Your priorities infinancial planning change: the crib instead of a romantic vacation, a bigger apartment instead of a new car. Depending on how you want to divide childcare and work, there may also be a reduction in income. As parents, discuss how you can plan financially for the time before and after your child arrives. Clarity reassures!

Flexibility:

• Activities with a child usually need to be planned. A spontaneous evening meet-up or a weekend trip will probably no longer be so easy. In return, the time you can spend together as a family becomes ever more precious.

Couple relationships:

• Clearly: In the first weeks and months with a baby everything revolves around the new person in your life. Especially as a father you may, during thepregnancy and after the birth of the child possibly feel sidelined. But don't worry: life with a child is constantly changing. Once everything has settled and the baby grows, there will also be more time for the partnership again.

Parental leave for fathers – this helps with planning

The time to build a deep and intensive relationship with your child usually comes for fathers after the pregnancy. Until then you could feel the kicks in the mother's belly and admire the ultrasound images. Once the baby is finally here, fathers can also cuddle, read aloud and change diapers.

Becoming a dad and being a dad

• Even though mothers still mainly take parental leave – as a father you also have the right to parental leave. More and more fathers are taking it to be just as present for their children as their partners. You should consider the following when planning parental leave:

Talk to your employer:

• Many employers are positive about the new role of fathers. However, this change in thinking has not reached everyone yet. Seek a personal conversation with your employer to discuss your attitudes and perspectives.

Plan finances:

• Overall, mother and father are entitled to two years of parental leave to start with. However, they are only entitled to parental allowance for 14 months. Therefore, as parents, consider how you will divide the time and still have enough money to provide for the family.

Meet deadlines:

• You must submit the application for parental leave at the latest 7 weeks before starting. However, protection against dismissal only applies eight weeks before the start. For this reason, it's best to submit your application during this interval.

Back to work:

• When you return to work after parental leave, you have the right to the same pay. However, this does not have to mean that you take on the same tasks as before. Therefore, speak openly with your employer about your wishes and future plans.

Help, I'm going to be a dad! – Tips for expectant fathers

As expectant dads, you have a lot on your mind now. At the same time, you may feel like you're playing a secondary role in this new adventure. But be sure to take yourselves and your emotions seriously. We have a few tips for you on how to deal with this new situation in life.

Seek advice:

• Maybe there are already fathers in your circle of friends. Ask them for a relaxed meeting and get advice on what solutions helped with questions and doubts.

Inform yourself:

• Many men find it helpful to become active, gather information and plan things to make the situation more tangible. Sure – you can't planfather-child relationships but you can plan your finances, parental leave and also the right stroller model.

Include your partner:

• The image of the strong man who doesn't talk about feelings is no longer needed. As parents, try to talk together about your feelings and find solutions for uncertainties. That not only brings you closer together, but also helps you say aloud the things that occupy you.

Be actively involved in the pregnancy:

• Try, if possible, to be present at prenatal appointments or to already bond with the baby bump. That way the baby is already familiar with your voice and you are involved in the miracle as a father during the pregnancy.

Frequently asked questions about becoming a father

Where can I acknowledge paternity?

• You can register paternity free of charge at the youth welfare office (Jugendamt) or registry office (Standesamt). A paternity acknowledgement is necessary if you are not married as a couple and are expecting a child together.

I'm going to be a father – what needs to be done?

• Above all, you are allowed to be happy! Soon there will be a new human in your life who will be connected to you forever. As a father during the pregnancy you can above all support your partner. Talk about your wishes and ideas for life with a child and plan how you want to organize the first weeks and months financially and logistically.

What can help relieve the fear of becoming a father?

• It's completely normal for expectant dads to feel fears and doubts. The best thing is to talk about your concerns, get advice from other young fathers, and also address fears and worries openly within the partnership.

Image credits

Father lying with baby on bed © Louis-Photo – stock.adobe.com

Father and mother with stroller © New Africa – stock.adobe.com

Father with dog and baby © anoushkatoronto – stock.adobe.com

laughing baby with father © Prostock-studio – stock.adobe.com