How do I deal with separation anxiety

Is my child's separation anxiety really normal?

Trennungsangst bei Kindern | kleiner Junge weint, während er auf einer Rutsche auf dem Spielplatz sitzt

Fears are as much part of our emotional world as joy, anger, sadness and many other feelings. Therefore, temporary separation anxiety in your child is essentially a completely normal developmental phase, which can occur repeatedly and with varying intensity over the course of childhood.

Separation anxiety in infancy: the famous 'stranger anxiety'

At the age of six to eight months most children begin to show stranger anxiety: Suddenly they become aware of separation from their parents and start to cry when someone other than Mommy or Daddy wants to pick them up. Many remain attached to their primary caregivers until their second or third year and are very wary of strangers.

Temporary separation anxiety in children

Many parents experience that their children develop separation anxieties completely out of the blue and suddenly cling to Mommy and Daddy around the clock. Perhaps it is an attempt to get to know and sort out their own emotional world, perhaps it is other everyday experiences that still need to be processed. One thing is certain: such anxieties can recur and usually pass after a few weeks.

Children's separation anxiety as an emotional disorder

In a very small percentage of children, separation problems are not temporary but exist as a disorder that should be taken seriously. These children react in panic even to short-term separation from their parents, do not go to bed alone in the evening, or suffer from nightmares. If such anxieties persist for a long time, affected parents and children can consult a child psychologist. Individual family therapy can help get separation anxieties under control.

What to do about my child's separation anxiety? – Tips for parents

Trennungsangst bei Kindern | Kind liegt weinend in dem Arm von der Mutter

As parents we know these days: our child doesn't want to go to kindergarten, has separation anxiety when saying goodbye, doesn't want to be left alone at their best friend's house and certainly won't go to bed without Mommy and Daddy.

It is completely normal that children seek the closeness of Mommy and Daddy in uncertain situations. If the separation anxiety in your child is temporary, these proven tips help:

Show understanding: signals to your child that you take them seriously in their situation and understand that they are sad and anxious. Being seen in their own feelings is often already the key to the solution.
Be patient: Maybe your child needs another 10 minutes of cuddling before they can let you go, maybe they'll stay at their friend's place if you are there at first. Be patient and give your child time to gain a sense of security.
Use comfort items: Whether a stuffed animal that brings the security of home, a comfort cloth or favourite book: with a familiar object you give your child a bit of security to hold onto, which makes the farewell easier.
Stick to agreements: Children want to be taken seriously. Therefore be honest, don't sneak away or fib that you'll be back soon. Because broken agreements weaken trust and only unsettle your child even more.
Practice small steps: It doesn't always have to be an overnight stay at grandma and grandpa's. Practice with your child the goodbye for a few hours and in ever-new situations, so that they can also experience for themselves how they manage these farewells well - and naturally shed the fear.
Find new solutions together: Often, as parents, we have fixed ideas about how something should work. 'Others manage it, too,' 'I wasn't like that as a child either' are phrases that swirl around in our heads. Free yourselves from comparisons and find with your child the solution that suits you best. That also shows your child that you take them seriously.
Provide reassurance: If your child has separation anxiety or is unsettled for another reason, it needs above all one thing: security. Give your child thereassurance, that you are there for them and always return at the agreed time. And let your child repeatedly experience how italso gains a sense of security on its own - with every small success.