A child also lies for a good reason

Let's be honest: It happens to all of us every day in our interactions with others – we lie like crazy! For example:

• When we say we have too much to do, even though we simply don't feel like making plans.

• When we have someone tell the talkative friend that we're not home when she calls.

• We even urge our children to lie: "Now you must thank them for the nice present!" – even though our child doesn't like dolls at all and would have much preferred a remote-controlled car.

Children cannot initially distinguish these little lies – lies of politeness – from big lies. They learn gradually by watching us closely.

"I didn't do it!" – Why children lie

There are different reasons, why children lie. In young children a lie is an expression of a bubbling imagination, which still has very fluid boundaries to reality. Wishful thinking can also play a role: "My dad can lift a house, really!"Only at around the age of four can children consciously tell a lie.

Children lie out of shame:

Often shame plays a role in lying. We adults know that too. For example, when we have procrastinated an important task at work. When the boss brings it up, we feel guilty. One might resort to a white lie. Children also feel shame, when they have done something 'wrong' or when they bring bad grades home.

Children lie out of fear of punishment:

With bad grades and inappropriate behavior the child may possibly have fear of their parents' reaction.

Children lie because they want attention:

When a child lies and invents stories, it may have to do with the fact that it seeks attention.It is secondary whether the attention is positive or negative turns out. That is why it is sometimes hard, as adults, to understand this motive.

What to do when children lie?

How can we recognize the reasons behind lying and react correctly? Here are a few tips on how you can deal with it when your child lies:

No punishments:

The most important tip: Stay calm! Because punishments often have the opposite effect. Remember: childhood lying is not a crime. Instead of scolding, you can calmly show your child that you know it is not telling the truth, and find out with them why it is doing so.

Allow mistakes:

Convey to your child, that you always love them, no matter what they do. If mistakes are allowed, lying becomes not so important. Explain to your child that you trust them and that it is important to be honest. You can do this even if you don't know for sure whether your child is lying. Because as the child grows older, their lies also become more complex.

Humor helps:

It can also help to take the lie with humor. That relaxes the situation. If, together with your child, you can laugh about a white lie , it strengthens the bond and the relationship of trust.

Encourage and praise:

Help your child take responsibility for their actions and stand by themselves – give them the opportunity to make amends for the lie, for example by apologizing, or by repairing the damage caused. And remember to praise your child for that!

Be a role model:

Children learn best from your example. Don't lie to your child, but explain delicate matters to them in an age-appropriate way. We adults also have to learn to stand by our actions. "I'm glad you called, but I'm so exhausted right now; let's talk another time so I can really listen to you." Not so easy? A valuable learning experience for our children! Because what mom and dad do, children also learn.

Image credits

Mother touches her little daughter's nose while sitting on the sofa with her husband © Yakobchuk Olena - stock.adobe.com

Child sits alone in the room with a teddy on a white carpet © Tomsickova - stock.adobe.com

Mother and child wash their hands together © Alexis Scholtz/peopleimages.com - stock.adobe.com