Proper parenting means: right for you and your child

How do I raise my child correctly? Not so long ago, this question would have made parents shake their heads. Child-rearing was not a topic of public discussion but a family matter. There was no scientifically proven 'optimization model'; instead it was based on parents' experience and intuition.

Extreme parenting:

Child-rearing has always been subject to certain trends. In the imperial era, children were expected to behave like little adults; corporal punishment was part of it.

The exact opposite was the anti-authoritarian movement, in which children grew up completely without rules and boundaries. Even today, parenting is sliding toward an extreme characterized by uncertainty and an obsession with excessive promotion and stimulation.

Pressure is rising:

Today parents increasingly feel pressured to raise their children lovingly, to optimally foster them at the same time, and still have a fulfilled, balanced life as adults. The result is general insecurity, both with regard to child-rearing and with respect to their own wishes and needs.

What feels right?

A good rule of thumb for parenting is: If it feels right, it's usually the right thing. Parents who respond attentively to their child usually have a fairly reliable gut feeling about parenting issues. The perhaps greatest challenge is to trust this intuition and one’s own parenting skills — then the most important step toward proper parenting is taken.

What are my goals in parenting?

Happiness and contentment:

All parents wish their children to be happy. But what does it take for happiness — and what can parenting contribute? For most people, freedom, self-fulfillment and self-determination are important factors for happiness. Applied to children this means: if a child has the opportunity to develop their personality, if they are accepted as they are and supported by their parents in their talents and weaknesses, then the most important prerequisites for happiness are in place.

Independence:

Raising a child to be independent is a much greater challenge for the parents than for the child itself. Because it means giving up control, trusting your child and allowing them to make mistakes and experience failures.Most important tool: praise- this gives your child the self-confidence they need to cope with things on their own.

Empathy and a sense of responsibility:

Empathy is becoming increasingly important not only in our society but also in professional life. And it is no longer a "typically female" trait, because empathy goes far beyond compassion: it is the basis for the ability to respond individually to another person, to assess situations correctly and to act accordingly "correctly".

Politeness and respect:

Teaching your child politeness doesn't sound so hard, since the typical phrases are quickly learned. For children to truly become respectful and attentive people — and not only when they are asked to be — something more is needed: the ability for empathy andabove all, the good example set by the parents.

Courage and initiative:

Does my child have to be brave? Not necessarily when it comes to jumping off the diving board — but courage can also mean standing up for one's own point of view or showing feelings. Children who are raised to be self-confident and responsible can assert themselves better and are not easily pushed into patterns of behavior that don't match their personality: in this respect courage is also a prerequisite for one's own satisfaction.

External support: seeking parenting help

What if you notice that you cannot solve certain problems with your child on your own? Or if a situation is so entrenched that only outside help can save family life? For these cases there are a number of services, for example:

• Parenting counseling:

  Free advisory service, for example from the local family counseling center or from the General Social Services (ASD).

• Appointment with a child psychologist: 

  In the conversation not only your child's behavior but also that of the parents is discussed in order to identify problems and possible solutions.

• Occupational therapy:

  Occupational therapy is often recommended for children who have difficulty fitting into their environment and finding their place. Parents can support the therapeutic measures.

• Social-pedagogical family support:

  Social-pedagogical family support or parenting aides, especially in problematic family situations.

Image credits

Mother and child cuddling in bed © Trendsetter Images - AdobeStock

Father holds the girl tightly to him © Halfpoint - AdobeStock

Baby walks holding a hand, in the nursery © eggeeggjiew -AdobeStock

Child sticks his tongue out at his mother © Anatoliy Karlyuk -AdobeStock