What is good manners – and how do children really learn it?

Children do not learn etiquette through drilling or constant reprimanding, but through what they pick up in everyday life from their parents and other caregivers.

Politeness

'Please' and 'Thank you', 'You're welcome', friendly greetings and farewells, 'Bless you', 'Excuse me', etc. - it will take a while before your child internalizes these phrases and knows how to use them at the right moment.

But even today, polite interaction is the social glue that promotes good relations in everyday life and at work. We recommend: Don't be too strict; above all, lead by example.

No swear words

Not swearing is one of the big challenges for parents: All too quickly a swear word slips out in the hectic everyday life. Regardless of how much parents restrain themselves, children will in kindergarten and at school learn the entire repertoire of swear words.

What you can do to counteract swearing:

• A be a good role model and avoid swear words

• Again and again explain, that these expressions do not belong in normal speech

• As parents, do not let yourselves be provoked by children's swear words

Respect for others

Respect and consideration for other people are hard to explain with words: children can, however, learn this behavior by observing their parents.

Prerequisites for respectful interaction:

• Let someone finish speaking

• Do not laugh at or exclude people

• Do not shout at or insult anyone

Helpfulness

Offering help to others requires attention and initiative - both of which children learn automatically from the start, if they have good role models have. Children learn helpfulness and independence, for example:

• When they take on small household tasks take on

• When attention and helpfulness are also shown to them

• When it is acknowledged that they helped on their own initiative

Table manners

Good table manners is a perennial topic in most families:

• Don't eat with your fingers

• Don't speak with your mouth full

• Don't rock on the chair

• Don't smack your lips or slurp

• Don't shout 'Yuck' when something doesn't taste good

Parents must repeatedly remind their children of these rules, until their table manners are mastered. Now and then children try to provoke with their behavior at the table - in such cases it's worth staying composed and setting a good example.

The etiquette guide for children is making a comeback – good manners are becoming popular again

Many parents consider rigid rules of conduct for children outdated. Modern parenting approaches say that etiquette guides and the like tend to train children and force them into conforming behavior, rather than allowing them to learn social and respectful behavior naturally

At the same time, classic rules of conduct are becoming popular again. Etiquette seminars and etiquette courses for children are being offered more often again today – and are in demand. This may be related to parents increasingly seeking help in child-rearing, or to values such as respect and good manners gaining importance again.

As always: children learn rules of conduct best by observing their parents and closest caregivers.

How children learn rules of conduct: How to succeed with good manners

As parents, you shape your child's behavior from the start. Here are 5 tips on how you can support your children as parents:

1. Be a good role model: If parents naturally lead by example, children will gradually internalize the basics of good behavior.

2. Don't demand too much: Three-year-olds cannot perfectly eat with knife and fork, but they can certainly manage "Please" and "Thank you" – your expectations for manners should be based on your child's abilities.

3. Prefer praising to scolding: Praise your child for what they did right – positive feedback is a better incentive than constant reprimanding.

4. Explain the rules of conduct: Try to explain the rules of conduct to your children in an understandable way – for example, why you wash your hands before eating or cover your mouth with your hand when sneezing.

5. Be patient: Until your child masters basic etiquette, they will repeatedly make small mistakes or forget learned manners – be patient and don't forget that your child should, first and foremost, be a child.

Image credits:

Girl pulling a face while eating © very_ulissa - stock.adobe.com

Mother smiling, boy sticking out his tongue © Anatoliy Karlyuk - stock.adobe.com

Boy with grandparents at the barbecue © Halfpoint - stock.adobe.com