Strong feelings need strong words - why do our children use swear words?

Children learn it from us and we adults know it all too well: when a feeling comes over us, one or another inappropriate word slips out almost automatically. But what lies behind the use of swear words?

Swear words are powerful:

When we are really angry, we need strong words to express our unpleasant feelings.vent, to let off steam, and sometimes even to transfer it to others. They primarily serve to tension release and not to hurt the other person.

Let's see how mom reacts:

Children want to test boundaries and find out how far they can go. They want to separate themselves from their parents, at the same time they want to feel that there is a framework in which they are held. For such a test, a provocation with swear words works well, of course.

Swear words attract attention:

Sometimes children use swear words just because it's fun, sometimes in great anger and as provocation, and sometimes because negative attention is better than no attention at all.

Ignoring or intervening – what helps when children use swear words?

Yes, sometimes it is really necessary to set clear boundaries when the swearing of your children gets too intense. And yes, sometimes it may be best to ignore one word or another. Which is better?

Strategy 1: Ignoring

Which swear words are perceived as particularly bad in individual cases and when the line is clearly crossed varies from family to family. If your child is just trying out the words and wants to test your reaction, you can easily ignore it or take it with humor. The lure of the forbidden will suddenly be much less.

Strategy 2: Intervening

Where for almost all parents the fun is over: when they themselves are insulted by their child. At the latest then it is important to show your children your personal boundaries

Keep this in mind: A calm approach works best. Explain to your child calmly and consistently that they must respect your boundaries and those of other people.

Lead by example – getting children to stop using swear words begins with us

Parents also don't always manage without swear words. Most of the time the words slip out spontaneously, and of course they don't go unheard by our children.

Most importantly, children always learn from our example.

• Look for alternatives:If it becomes too much for you, look for alternatives together with your child. Instead of "asshole" you could say something milder like "silly", instead of "shit" "darn" or simply "drat". Or maybe even invent a made-up word that certainly doesn't bother anyone.

• Give feelings verbal expression:Help your child give their anger another verbal expression. If a child can say: "I'm really, really angry right now!", they may not need so many swear words.

• Give feelings a nonverbal outlet:Show your child ways to give emotions an outlet in other ways. Punching a pillow, for example, can be very helpful to reduce anger and frustration.

Take the appeal away from swear words: with a swear-word competition

Another strategy in dealing with children's swear words is to take away the taboo appeal of the words. This works, for example, with a swear-word game.

How it works:

For a set period of time, everyone may shout as many swear words as they want. It becomes particularly funny with invented words. Saying fantasy swear words like "green-striped trunk-bum" or "donkey nose" is fun for almost every child. And most of the time children learn best with humor.

Image credits:

Mother and daughter on sofa in conversation © DimaBerlin - stock.adobe.com