My child cries at kindergarten

Why does my child cry at daycare drop-off?

Kind weint | Kind liegt weinend in dem Arm von der Mutter

That there are tears in the first weeks of daycare is completely normal. Depending on your child's personality, it can take one to six weeks until your child is fully settled in the new environment and has internalized the rhythm of drop-off, daycare routine, and pick-up. But what if it still cries at goodbye after that? Or if after a longer time it suddenly starts clinging again, even though nothing happened?

Irrational fears: Fears are part of child development, even if they are completely unfounded. Therefore, your child may suddenly develop a fear of being 'left behind'. It's important that you still bring your child to daycare, because only when they realize their fears are unfounded can they overcome them.

Concrete problems: Sometimes a child has worries or fears that parents and caregivers don't notice on their own. Very reserved children sometimes have difficulty being accepted into the group and find the daycare day-to-day very stressful. Talk to the caregivers and ask them to describe the daycare daily routine to rule out such difficulties. Most kindergarten children cannot yet properly put their problems into words and therefore cannot ask for help themselves.

Habit: Children notice very precisely how their parents react to their behavior. If they notice that crying and screaming throws you off, it can turn into a little game: who wins the struggle over the goodbye? Ask the caregivers how long your child needs to calm down after you leave. If it stops crying immediately after you are out the door, you should try to make future goodbyes shorter and more decisive.

Dealing with feelings of guilt

It's a terrible way to start the day when you have to leave a crying child at daycare must. Rely on your gut feeling: Do you trust the daycare and the caregivers? Is your child cheerful and well-balanced in everyday life? In the vast majority of cases (if concrete problems at daycare can be ruled out) it's worth sticking it out: Eventually your child will impatiently say goodbye at the door so they can finally go and play.

Tips against tears: How to make the goodbye easier

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Make sure there are no problems: Ask your child at home and speak with the caregivers in a calm moment: Are there problems or conflicts in the daycare routine? Try to find out whether only the goodbye is difficult or whether your child fundamentally doesn't want to go to daycare.
Keep goodbyes short: Even if it's hard, don't drag the goodbye out too long. Your child will quickly notice that they can hold you back and will sink further into their tears.
Physical contact: A firm hug and a kiss are part of the daycare goodbye. You show your child that you love them and at the same time create a familiar daily ritual that your child quickly gets used to.
Support during goodbye: If your child doesn't want to let you go, a caregiver should try to distract your child, e.g. by picking them up or offering a favorite activity such as reading aloud. That way you can leave without drama.
Goodbye rituals: Many children find goodbyes easier when they follow a fixed pattern. Think of a particular phrase or a small poem that only the two of you say quietly. Or your child may wave to you from the door and blow exactly three air kisses. Develop your own goodbye rituals.

Provide reassurance: Of course your child knows that you will pick them up again. A little extra reassurance usually eases the pain of saying goodbye. Promise to definitely turn around on the street and wave one more time, allow your child to take their favorite toy, or show them on the clock when you'll be back.

The kiss bouncy ball as a pick-me-up

Sometimes it also helps your child during the day at daycare to feel your presence. How about, for example, with a small gift, which reminds your little one that you will be back at the end of the day?

This could look like:

"Fill" together with your child each day a glittering star bouncy ball with loving comfort kisses and give it to your child for the day.
Whenever the longing is particularly strong, they reach for the bouncy ball and take one of the little kisses.
Every bouncy-ball kiss whispers softly 'Everything's fine! Mommy and Daddy may be away but are still there. And very soon we'll see each other again – with a proper welcome smooch.'

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