Possible reasons: Why doesn't my child want to go to kindergarten?

If your child doesn't want to go to kindergarten, there can be various reasons. Has your child just started kindergarten or have they been happily going for months and the tears have only begun recently? This distinction can already provide an initial clue to the cause. If your child has refused to attend kindergarten from the very beginning, then they are probably primarily suffering from the separation from you, the parents.It is torn out of its familiar surroundingsSettling into kindergarten after two weeks. Many children need several months to become comfortable with their new daily routine. So be patient and above all don't blame your little one if they don't eagerly jump into the car on the second day.

In general, children initially find it a bit difficult in the daycare, nursery and co. initially somewhat difficult to approach other children, play together, or integrate into already existing groups. In most cases this resolves itself over time as your child gets used to the new surroundings. It is also important that your child gets along with the caregiver or educator and feels comfortable. If the chemistry simply isn't right here, a group change can be the solution. First check whether your child simply needs a bit more time to get used to it.

Mothers and fathers also need time

Be honest with yourselves: Are you perhaps suffering from the separation just as much as your child? Are you afraid that your little one is becoming estranged from you and secretly glad that they don't feel comfortable in kindergarten? Then there's a good chance your child notices this and goes on strike out of solidarity or loyalty. Think about how you can make the separation easier for yourself and your child. For example, slip a small surprise into the backpack. Your child will be happy and you can be sure that amid all the playtime they will also think of Mom and Dad from time to time.

Exceptions remain the exception

The desire to give in at the sight of those big sad puppy eyes and grant the child a breather now and then is understandable. But that unfortunately helps neither you nor your child. So stay consistent! Constant exceptions show that the child's tactic is working. In the worst case, it will soon not even understand why it should go to kindergarten at all. So you should only agree to a day off if there is a real reason for it.

In exceptional situations, such as a bereavement in the family or the birth of a new sibling, a day off is of course acceptable. If no improvement occurs in the long run, you should consider postponing the whole thing for another year and in the following year to make a new attempt. Sometimes it is simply still too early and your child is not yet at the right kindergarten age.

Your child doesn't want to go to kindergarten: What you can do

Ask: Has your little one previously actually enjoyed going to kindergarten and only recently started staging a revolt? Then try a serious conversation — this often works even with the very young better than you might think. Cuddle up comfortably together on the sofa and gently feel your way toward the unpleasant topic. Important: Don't pressure your child. Give them a few minutes to answer. If they won't speak about it, consider telling of an unpleasant kindergarten experience of your own. This will build your child's trust that you can put yourself in their shoes and understand the problem. Pay attention to seemingly insignificant little details when your child tells you, because sometimes the crux lies in things we can hardly comprehend, but which mean the world to such a little one.

Play kindergarten: Slip into the role of another kindergarten child or bring out some toys. Sometimes it's easier for children to show playfully where the problem is. Or hand your child paper and colored pencils across the table and ask them to draw a typical kindergarten scene. Observe attentively how your child's moods change while drawing. Often a facial expression already reveals whether there's more behind a drooped flower. Pay attention to the little things here too.

Talk to the caregiver or educator: If you can't make progress on your own, talk to the caregivers. Maybe there are problems between the children. Maybe they have made a completely different observation that helps solve the problem. It can be extremely helpful here to exchange experiences and observations in order to find a solution.

Image credits

Child lies crying in the mother's arms © Halfpoint - stock.adobe.com

Girl sits on the grass in front of a playground © natalialeb - stock.adobe.com

Dad holds crying son on his lap © Halfpoint - stock.adobe.com