Every child has their own pace

In order for children to become reliably dry, the physical and mental prerequisites must first be established.

The nerve pathways between the bladder and the brain must be sufficiently developed so that your child can perceive a full bladder at all. This development begins at about one and a half years – when it is complete varies greatly from child to child. Your child should not only be able to sit on the potty, but also be able to feel and communicate that they need to go. For this, they must have established the cognitive connection between the urge to urinate and urination.

Basically it's like with all developmental steps. Your child doesn't learn to sit or walk at the desired time either, but when their skeleton and muscle control have sufficiently developed. Unfortunately, the development of the bladder and its nerve connections is not visible – which makes it all the more important that you give your child the time it needs. Sooner or later they will be ready on their own to try the potty.

How do I know that my child should try the potty?

"Peeeee!": Even if your child only tells you afterwards that they've wet the diaper, that's already a good step forward – they are consciously aware of their excretions and recognize the connection between emptying the bladder and bowels and the full diaper.

Interest in the potty: Children react very differently on first contact with the potty and the toilet. If there is a basic interest and your child understands the function of the potty, toilet training can begin.

Diaper frustration: If children find their diaper bothersome, it can be a sign that they want to be clean. No more annoying packages on the bottom – being diaper-free offers much more freedom of movement.

Toilet training without frustration – Our tips

• No fixed goals: The third birthday or starting kindergarten should not be guidelines for becoming clean. Allow your child their own pace.

• Don't compare: Children of the same age begin to become diaper-free at very different times. Some start at 18 months, others show no interest at 28 months or later. Even with siblings, this development does not necessarily follow the same pattern.

• Don't force it: Don't let your child sit on the potty too often and under no circumstances for too long if they don't have to. That only causes stress - and the bladder and bowel react very sensitively to that.

• Be present: Diaper changing is also a moment of closeness between parents and child. Some children miss that when they sit on the potty alone. So stay with them at first and encourage your child - this makes the transition easier.

• Accept mishaps: Asked twice and then the pants are wet after all: Children cannot immediately reliably say when they will need to go next. Even if it sometimes seems intentional - don't scold when something goes wrong again.

Dry through the night

Most children are dry during the day earlier than at night. There is no fixed rule about when your child should be able to manage at night without a diaper. Before going to bed you should regularly take them to the toilet once more. If the diaper stays dry for about ten nights in a row, that's a good time to omit the diaper at night. A washable mattress cover protects the bed and can be changed quickly in case of a nighttime emergency – it's best to have a spare one.

Still not dry?

The time span between first contact with the potty and finally becoming reliably dry during the day and night can be very long. Many parents are unsettled when toilet training doesn't go completely smoothly. As a rule, initial problems resolve on their own with some patience.

• Dry nights: Many children who have been dry during the day for some time still need a diaper at night. This can have various reasons and is not a cause for concern. Only if your child still does not stay dry through the nights around school-starting age should the pediatrician investigate possible physical causes.

• Psychological causes: If children still have persistent problems with toilet training at five years old or later, this can be a sign of psychological stress. In such cases, the cause of stress or anxiety should be explored very gently and measures should be taken – possibly with outside help.

• With a diaper in kindergarten: Many parents set the goal that their child should be clean when they start kindergarten. Completely unnecessary – professional educators know about children's developmental differences and also take them into account in the lively daycare routine. In addition, every three-year-old has a legal right to a kindergarten place, whether they are dry or not.

Off to dryness:

To-dos for toilet training

• Be attentive: Pay attention to your child's signals – and accept it if they may not be ready yet

• Use the potty only in the bathroom – this way your child will get used to the toilet faster

• Practice the surrounding tasks: Open pants, wipe bottom, wash hands and turn the light on/off

• Be consistent: 'Using a diaper "now and then" usually prolongs toilet training. Exception: diarrhea

• Avoid pressure: Don't set deadlines for toilet training for yourself or your child

• Let them watch: Children learn from their parents and siblings – also when using the toilet

• Find the right way: Potty, child toilet seat or toilet chair – find out what works best for your child