How children cope with moving – the older, the more difficult it gets

Children up to about five years old: For younger children, having their family around them is the most important thing. However, even at that age it is difficult to say goodbye and to bid farewell to friends from the playground. At this age it is not uncommon for children to fall back into patterns they had actually outgrown after the move — for example, not sleeping through the night, bedwetting, or baby talk instead of full sentences. As they settle in, though, this unusual behavior usually fades.

School-age children: Children who already attend school have strong ties to their friends and their surroundings. Sadness and the pain of saying goodbye are completely normal and important and should be taken seriously by you. Be prepared for questions and a need to talk. Without downplaying your child's feelings, you can still try to spark excitement and curiosity about the new home.

Teenagers: Especially during puberty, children are mostly preoccupied with themselves. That makes it difficult to adapt to a move and a new environment. For this reason, teenagers take the longest to settle in.

When it's further away: moving to a new city or another country

Sometimes a move also means going to another city or to a foreign country. Here you cannot simply explore the new surroundings in advance, and the unfamiliarity remains abstract. It is best to schedule these moves during school holidays so that your child — and you yourselves — have time to get used to the new area. When school and kindergarten start, at least the surroundings are somewhat more familiar and it is a bit easier to settle into everyday life. If you move to a new country, show your child pictures of animals and the area or see if there is a film about the new country. This helps your child to imagine the new place more easily. Depending on how old your child is, you can also look into language courses specifically for children. Once the basics of the foreign language are in place, it becomes easier to make new friends.

How does moving with children work? – Our tips

Preparing: Don't present your child with a fait accompli. Even if it is exhausting to do apartment viewings with children, you should talk to your child about the reasons for the move and prepare them for the new situation.

Explore the new surroundings: If you move within the same city, you can already explore the area around the new apartment: Where is the nearest playground? How do I get to school or kindergarten? What is it like there?

Saying goodbye: A goodbye party and a final walk through the empty apartment where you say farewell to each room together: even though this can easily get lost in the rush of moving, take the time to say goodbye to the people and the apartment. This helps to bring closure, look ahead, and embrace the new situation

Involve them: Packing the toys, set up the new room and decorate it, or carry light boxes on moving day: When your child feels needed, the move becomes easier. Try to avoid taking your child to the grandparents during the move and only bringing them into the finished apartment. That way they feel excluded and miss the transition from the old to the new.

Create familiarity: Of course you want to make everything in the new apartment or house nice and new. But younger children especially need a familiar environment — at least in their bedroom. So initially keep the older furniture and the usual layout in the child's room. That way your child has a familiar place to retreat.

Children's room first: Even if the rest of the new home is still in box chaos: take care of the children's room first. That way your child can climb into their old bed in the evening. For that, the children's things should of course be loaded into the moving truck last.

Keep in touch: By mail, by phone, via video calls or visits: enable your child to keep in contact with their friends. You can also lead by example. This way children learn to maintain friendships across distances.

Image credits:

Family eating a pizza from a box and taking a selfie © Seventyfour - stock.adobe.com

Full-page portrait of a happy father with two sons, who is hanging pictures on the wall while moving into a new house © Seventyfour - stock.adobe.com