Self-care – important for all family members

At first it sounds strange when someone says: You must take good care of yourself. Because in families the focus quickly shifts to all the other members first: Is my child doing well? Is my partner satisfied? Does anyone need support? One's own peace of mind quickly takes a backseat amid the many everyday concerns. 

In doing so, the own needs are the most important, in order to be there for others at all times. If a family member constantly puts their own needs aside to be there for others, that can become dangerous in the long runbecome. In the worst case, it can lead to physical or mental problems. 

Tips for more self-care in everyday life

To prevent this from happening, we give you valuable tips here on how you can positively and powerfully cope with the sometimes challenging everyday family life. What can you do to take good care of yourselves and your children's emotional well-being?

Self-care

What helps us as parents

Basically, we know that as parents we can be strong for our family above all when we take good care of ourselves. Yet we often feel it is not important enough or even selfish to give ourselves time and care. And yet that is precisely what refuels us, gives us strength and confidence to move forward positively and master the challenges of everyday life. When we parents are well, our children are well too. But how can we still manage to find time for ourselves amid the hustle and bustle of everyday life?

Acknowledge the right to breaks

Not only children need breaks and times when they can calm down. Parents also need boundaries. Only if we keep a clear head can we properly care for our children. That means sometimes saying "stop", setting fixed times and places for breaks that apply to everyone.

Ease each other's burden

Especially now it is extremely important for parents to coordinate well, divide tasks clearly, and relieve each other as partners. For single parents this is not always feasible and the current situation is correspondingly more difficult to manage. All the more important are our social networks outside the family: friends, relatives, babysitters who can help other mothers and fathers get their much-needed breaks. To whom could we perhaps lend a helping hand now?

Focus on the positive

The crisis affects some harder than others, and yet it affects us all. Our negative feelings, fears and worries are justified and may be voiced. What helps us to move forward with a positive mindset is focusing on the beautiful things. What can we take away from the current situation, what opportunities present themselves, and what simply nice thing happened today or yesterday that we like to think about? Our thoughts largely determine our mood. Let's consciously think about what makes us feel positive.

Healthy children's emotional well-being

What helps our children

As parents, our main goal in everything we do is that our family is well. And although we know our children like no one else, there are situations where we are not sure what they need most. A state of emergency like Corona poses new challenges for all of us and brings uncertainties. We keep asking how our children will experience and remember all this. What concrete steps can we take now to be there for our children and support them through this new everyday life as best as possible?

Create structure

Especially in times of great uncertainty, structure within the family's daily life is particularly soothing. Day and weekly plans bring stability to the new reality and can be discussed even with the little ones or recorded in pictures. A shared plan that everyone can stick to brings calm and also gives our children the reassurance of knowing what's coming next.

Schedule free playtime

There needs to be set times for work and homework, and equally for free play. Because just as relaxation time is important for adults, playtime is important for children. During free play without instructions and tasks, even the smallest ones can relax particularly well, process experiences and gather calm and energy for the next items on the agenda.

Talk, talk, talk

Open conversations are not only good for adults; they also help children reflect on their own experiences and better understand their environment. Time for real conversations is therefore as valuable in the family plan as eating together, playing and cuddling. We all know this ourselves: attentive listening and watching is often the very best support.

Asked Christine Brockard:

How can we make the new everyday life as stress-free as possible for our children?

Take the pressure off! Especially small children react very sensitively to stress and pressure. We cannot simply return to our old normality and carry on as before; everyday life does not work as it did before Corona. We must now slow down the pace and take our time. Our children have a lot to cope with now: they must repeatedly learn new rules, partially find their groups and classes again, they must relearn how to play and get used to life in large groups. As parents we now need a lot of patience and forbearance, calmness and understanding, also for our children's anger and confusion. For there is much they must accomplish and internalize now.

What can we as parents do now to get through the new everyday life well?

Self-care and inner work are extremely important. I need to keep a clear head, be able to set boundaries, to say "stop" and have time for myself. It is important that parents, despite many tasks and organizing, also create free spaces for themselves. For example by designating time-out spaces to retreat to, setting fixed times during which they are not to be disturbed. Only if we grant ourselves this can we as parents be strong enough again to be there for our family.

What do you advise parents who sometimes feel overwhelmed by the situation?

Accept feeling overwhelmed! It's okay to be worried, to be afraid, to be angry, to not know how things will proceed or how to manage it all. I need a certain self-compassion to accept these tasks as positive challenges. That means I must accept that it's sometimes hard, I must take time to care for myself so that I can be that much stronger for my children. This is so important right now and we hear it so often, but we live it far too rarely: If we as parents are doing well, our children are doing well too.

Christine Brockard is a developmental counselor for parents with babies and toddlers. In her practice in Bamberg she supports families in gaining a relaxed approach to the challenges of everyday life and in shaping a harmonious coexistence.

Image credits

Mother takes a nap next to her baby © Jacob Lund - stock.adobe.com

Woman in loungewear looks through the kitchen window while she drinks a cup of coffee in the morning © pressmaster - stock.adobe.com

Mother lifts her baby with her legs © Jacob Lund - stock.adobe.com