How are you? Talking with children about feelings
Happy, surprised, anxious, angry and everything in between. Children experience feelings intensely and impulsively, but at first they don’t yet know how to identify them. They throw themselves on the floor when their will isn’t enforced, jump excitedly around the room when Grandma and Grandpa visit, or hide under the covers after a bad dream. When parents talk with children about feelings, the little ones learn to put their emotions into words. That, in turn, is important for expressing themselves and coping with their feelings. However, it isn’t always easy to talk about feelings, because you can’t touch or show them. No one can look into another person’s head and know exactly how they’re feeling. We’ll tell you why it’s important to talk with children about feelings and how it can become a little easier.
Talking with children about feelings – why is it important?
Recognising feelings: Your child feels from the very beginning. As long as they cannot yet speak, they express their feelings through gestures and facial expressions. Even then you can already name the appropriate feelings for them so they gradually adopt them into their vocabulary. As they learn to put feelings into words, over time they will be better able to name their feelings and ask for help in uncomfortable situations.
Self-confidence: Knowing yourself includes being able to recognise your own feelings and deal with them. This is how your child explores their character. In addition, self-knowledge later helps to assess other people and their feelings.
Empathy: Only those who know what joy, sadness and fear are can recognise them in others. If your child can put themselves in someone else's shoes, it becomes easier for them to anticipate certain situations and, if necessary, avoid them. For example, a playmate will not become sad because their toy was taken away.
Reflection: When talking about feelings, your child notices how they came to feel that way. This helps them learn the triggers of their feelings and to know, for example, that they become happy when they play with a friend or that they get scared after a bad dream. That helps them avoid unpleasant feelings and repeat positive experiences.
Recognising feelings: Your child feels from the very beginning. As long as they cannot yet speak, they express their feelings through gestures and facial expressions. Even then you can already name the appropriate feelings for them so they gradually adopt them into their vocabulary. As they learn to put feelings into words, over time they will be better able to name their feelings and ask for help in uncomfortable situations.
Fear, anger & sadness: negative feelings are part of life
Children experience the whole range of emotions and usually express them immediately. Your child doesn't care whether you are standing at the supermarket checkout and they fling themselves to the floor in fury because the small toy wasn't allowed in the shopping trolley. For you this situation is probably extremely uncomfortable. But negative feelings are part of life too. Your child must learn that anger is equal to joy and surprise. If a feeling is tabooed and suppressed in the family, your child cannot learn how to deal with it. Grief and fear are also often suppressed or avoided by parents. That is understandable — no one wants their child to suffer. However, these feelings are part of life. If your child learns early on that it is okay to be sad or afraid, they will learn to cope better and will not be ashamed to express their feelings. That way they can also ask for help more easily later on in emotionally difficult situations.
Talking with children about feelings — how to make it easier
