Laying the foundation – goals of child-rearing

• Safety: A secure structure within the family with understandable rules gives children the security they need to make confident decisions later in life.

• Personality: With the right parenting you support your child's personality. Because not every child is the same and needs individual support from their parents in their development. This makes it easier for your child to find their place in the world.

• Empathy: The ability to empathize with others is a basic prerequisite for stable relationships. Moreover, empathy is essential for your child's ability to work in teams and handle conflicts. Therefore it is an important prerequisite for later adult life and is indispensable, especially in the professional environment.

• Manners: The days of rigid etiquette rules are long gone. Still, "good manners" – in communication or at the table – are the social glue that helps your child find their way in unfamiliar settings and are therefore among the cornerstones of child-rearing.

Is there a recipe for a happy childhood?

All parents wish that their children grow up happy and carefree. And almost all mothers and fathers sometimes doubt whether they are doing everything right in raising their children – you are not alone! In addition to the family situation and general living conditions, the Parenting style plays a decisive role in how children find their way in their world. Nevertheless: There is no manual for a happy childhood. The temperament of each child and their individual life circumstances are too varied for that.

One thing is certain: a sense of security, a familiar, loving environment, the right amount of attention and care, as well as balanced social contacts are more important for development as happiness factors than a large children's room, highly desired toys, or great activities. We have long known that children are not necessarily happier when they get everything they wish for.

In many families both parents work today and many parents do not want to "spoil" the limited time with their child by scolding or nagging. This worry is understandable, but usually a fallacy. Above all, your child needs to know where they stand with you – clear rules provide them with good guidance and are a stable foundation for a feeling of safety and security.

Motivation or performance pressure – where is the line drawn?

We adults all know the world that surrounds us: the challenging job market, the complex social structures – and we know that our children will eventually have to cope with all of that. This idea scares many parents. And so it's only a small step from positive support to performance pressure. When is it too much of a good thing? We have five tips on how to encourage your child without overwhelming them:

1. Don't demand too much: Children learn through play. Exploring their own abilities is more important than quick learning successes: it forms the basis for self-confidence and is very important for the development of your children.

2. Cater to your child's interests: If your little ones are enthusiastic about instruments such as drums and percussion, respond to that. Don't push your kids into learning a "prestigious" instrument like violin or piano, because that can possibly be associated with a lot of frustration.

3. Don't compare with the achievements of others: Whether it's baby swimming class, the children's gymnastics group, classmates, or siblings: don't evaluate your child based on others' achievements, but keep an eye on their personal successes and praise them for their accomplishments.

4. Don't judge setbacks: It's not for nothing that they say defeats strengthen character. Instead of scolding failures, you should ask why it didn't work out – and accept that the chosen hobby or school subject simply doesn't suit your child.

5. Time to do nothing: With an afternoon schedule five days a week, you prepare your child perfectly for the working world – but you also take away their opportunity to simply play or be by themselves. Even if your child has many interests, you should give them enough free time. That is enormously important for healthy development.

Tears, tantrums and cheeky remarks – How to respond correctly to your children's moods

The tantrum phase between the ages of two and three is notorious – and almost all parents sometimes have the impression that the tantrum phase actually stretches from around six months to primary school age. How do you best deal with sudden tantrums or stubborn children in parenting?

• Keep calm: This is easier said than done – but keeping calm helps you maintain control over the situation. That way you can help your child "get back on track" and regulate their behavior.

• Respond understandably: In most cases your child does not escalate into a tantrum to annoy you. Therefore react in the given situation in such a way that your child understands your reaction as a logical consequence of their actions. This does not prevent new tantrums or tirades of scolding – but it offers security for your child.

• Find the reasons: Is it really anger or frustration about a situation, or is something else bothering your child? Sometimes children also act out because they want more attention or simply to test limits – if you recognize the reason, you can react better.

• Trust your gut: Every tantrum is different. Firm parenting principles are fine, but try to understand and consider the specific situation. As parents, you're usually right when you trust your gut.

How-to: different parenting styles and approaches

Many schools and kindergartens follow certain pedagogical concepts, for example Montessori or Reggio pedagogy. But even within families there is usually a certain parenting style, shaped by the spirit of the times and by the parents' own upbringing. We have some of the most common parenting approaches compiled for you.

Democratic parenting: Democratic parenting sees the family as a group in which parents and children make decisions together. Parents and children are not equal in this, but the parents respond intensively to the needs and wishes of the children. Communication is at the center of this form of parenting – this also includes parents explaining their decisions and discussing them with the children. Democratic parenting allows children to develop their personality, but it requires a high degree of willingness to communicate and patience from the parents.

Authoritarian parenting: Authoritarian child-rearing is considered outdated here. Children are subordinate to the parents and usually have to meet high expectations. Authoritarian parenting is based on a system of rewards and punishments that, while it forms a fixed, supposedly secure structure in the children's lives, may also deprive them of the opportunity to develop their personality. Emotional needs are usually neglected with this parenting style, so children who are raised very authoritarian may tend towards aggressiveness.

Egalitarian parenting: Egalitarian parenting treats parents and children as equals. All family members are allowed equal participation in decision-making, but they also have the same duties. With egalitarian parenting children learn early to express their wishes and discuss them with their parents and develop a strong sense of self-confidence. In everyday life, however, the egalitarian parenting style quickly leads to conflicts – for example, when the child decides they do not want to go to kindergarten.

Laissez-faire parenting: Laissez-faire parenting is an heightened form of anti-authoritarian parenting, which at the time was considered a revolutionary parenting concept. In laissez-faire parenting the parents behave mostly passively: There are no rules or boundaries, but also no praise or involvement. The idea is, as with the anti-authoritarian style, that children develop themselves and their personality from within. Without any guidance, however, these children quickly feel abandoned and also have great difficulty fitting into general societal rules.

Permissive parenting: The permissive parenting also traces back to anti-authoritarian parenting.Any rules and boundaries are handled very leniently by the parents. Permissively raised children can pursue their impulsive desires unhindered,

but on the other hand, they only receive support from the parents when they actively demand it. Unlike in laissez-faire parenting, the relationship with the parents is usually emotionally very close, but due to the lack of structure in everyday life many children have difficulty interacting with others.

Punishment – yes or no? Child-rearing is always also influenced by the spirit of the times. For example, when authority and physical punishment were routine 60 years ago, the ideal of upbringing shifted in the 1970s and 1980s to self-realization and independence. Today the focus is on the optimal support and development of the child and their personality. Severe punishment is as much a thing of the past as boundless freedoms – nevertheless your child must learn that their actions have consequences.

A few tips on how to manage that:Set clear rules:

If your child knows what is right and wrong, they can handle the consequences better.Be consistent:

Apply your rules consistently and do not change them on a whim or depending on the situation.Talk together:

Explain to your child why a certain situation led to your consequence.Discipline without emotion:

Do not punish your child to get back at them – and be aware that you too must "endure" the punishment.Never punish physically:

Image credits:

Father and son are having fun together ©pikselstock - stock.adobe.com

Mother and daughter are laughing together ©fizkes - stock.adobe.com

Father with sad son ©Halfpoint - stock.adobe.com

Father with daughter in the bathroom ©Halfpoint - stock.adobe.com