Why are rules important for family life?

Rules as guidance: For some, 'fixed rules' may at first sound like a restricted scope of action. In fact, rules primarily give children security and orientation: thanks to the family rules a child always knows what to expect and knows its place in the family. That provides stability, bolsters children's confidence, and is a good foundation for their further development.

Relaxed coexistence: Perhaps the most important reason for family rules is obvious – it makes living together easier when a framework is set that all family members must adhere to. Of course there will be occasional grumbling, discussion, or a rule ignored, but overall the family rules give everyday life a structure.

Practice 'real life':Every family is a small microcosm, but the decisive values and conflicts can easily be transferred to other, larger groups. Thus family rules not only make living together within the family easier, they also train children's social skills and give them the right 'tools' to find their way in society.

Family rules apply to children and parents: For children it is an important realization that certain family rules also apply to the adults – e.g., that the whole family comes together for dinner or that everyone has their set time in the bathroom. In this way rights and duties are clearly distributed and give children a sense of equality.

The most important family rules for relaxed coexistence

1. Respect and interest in one another: Whether in conflict situations or at the midday table: every family member should be allowed to finish speaking and at the same time be able to listen to others. This requires patience and a certain amount of self-reflection, because many parents tend to interrupt their children when things get hectic.

2. Spending time together: It is not easy to set shared time as a family rule, especially when the children grow older and follow their own interests. Fundamentally, the quality of family time is more important than the duration: even the daily shared dinner or a walk can be enough to bring each other up to date on what's happening within the family.

3. Respect property and personal space: Of course small children crawl into their parents' bed in the morning, sneak into the older brother's room, or try whether mom's lipstick is suitable for painting. Basically, however, it should be clear which things are shared and which are taboo. Both children and parents sometimes have the desire to be alone - the appropriate retreat options should be available and respected by everyone.

4. Resolve conflicts - without violence: Children usually have no problem resolving disputes among themselves: after the big bang, everything is usually quickly back to normal. Adults find it more difficult to bring unpleasant topics to the table - this can permanently strain the mood in the family. The goal should be to resolve conflicts quickly and constructively, without physical or psychological violence coming into play.

5. Be honest: Lies can seriously damage trust, whether parents or children. Being honest without hurting counts among the basic rules for relaxed coexistence - parents can promote this by setting a good example.

6. Help each other: The cohesion within the family is based not only on shared experiences but also on a sense of responsibility. Whether older siblings help the younger ones get dressed, whether you support each other during shared shopping, or manage the household together, such everyday situations strengthen the sense of community.

Fixed rules vs. flexible rules for children

Non-negotiable: In most families there are a few incontrovertible, situation-independent rules. They form the 'framework' for family life, z. B.

• No hitting or kicking

• Everyone may finish speaking, no one will be laughed at

• Everyone follows the traffic rules

• Certain areas (e.g., the stove, mom's handbag, the study) are off-limits

Flexible rules: The basic rules of a family are supplemented by specific, more flexible rules. Parents can adapt them in certain situations without calling their entire upbringing into question, for example on weekends, during the holidays, or when visiting grandma and grandpa. Typical flexible family rules include:

• TV times and duration

• Bedtimes

• Consumption of snacks and sweets

• Helping with household chores

• Meal times and table manners

Image credits

Father with two small children washing the dishes at home © Halfpoint - stock.adobe.com

Girl pouts, mother tries to hug and talk © fizkes - stock.adobe.com