Why are rules important for family life?

Rules as a guide: For some, "fixed rules" may at first sound like a restriction of freedom. In fact, rules primarily give children security and orientation: thanks to family rules, a child always knows what to expect and knows their place in the family. That provides stability, supports children, and is a good foundation for their further development.

Relaxed coexistence: Der vielleicht wichtigste Grund für Familienregeln ist offenkundig – es erleichtert das Zusammenleben, wenn ein Rahmen festgelegt ist, an den sich alle Familienmitglieder zu halten haben. Natürlich wird hin und wieder gemeckert, diskutiert oder eine Regel ignoriert, insgesamt aber geben die Familienregeln dem Alltag eine Struktur.

Practice 'real life':Every family is a small microcosm, but the decisive values and conflicts can readily be transferred to other, larger groups. Family rules therefore not only make living together within the family easier; they also train children's social competence and give them the right "tools" to find their way in society.

Family rules apply to children and parents: For children, it is an important realization that certain family rules also apply to adults – e.g., that the whole family comes together for dinner or that everyone has their fixed time in the bathroom. In this way, rights and duties are clearly distributed and give children a sense of equality.

The most important family rules for relaxed togetherness

1. Respect and interest for one another: Whether in conflict situations or at the lunch table: Every family member should be allowed to finish speaking and at the same time be able to listen to others. This requires patience and a certain degree of self-reflection, because many parents tend to interrupt their children when things get hectic.

2. Spending time together: It is not easy to set aside shared time as a family rule, especially when children grow older and pursue their own interests. Generally, the quality of family time is more important than the duration: even the daily shared dinner or a walk can be enough to bring each other up to date on what is going on within the family.

3. Respect property and personal space: Of course, small children slip into their parents' bed in the morning, sneak into the older brother's room, or try whether mom's lipstick is suitable for painting. But basically it should be clear which things are shared and which are taboo. Both children and parents sometimes have the desire to be alone - the corresponding retreat options should be provided and respected by everyone.

4. Resolve conflicts - without violence: Children usually have no problems settling disputes among themselves: after the big blow-up, everything is usually quickly back to normal. Adults find it harder to bring unpleasant topics to the table - that can permanently affect the mood in the family. The goal should be to resolve conflicts quickly and constructively, without physical or psychological violence coming into play.

5. Be honest: Lying can permanently damage trust, whether by parents or children. Being honest without causing hurt is one of the basic rules for relaxed living together - parents can encourage this by setting a good example.

6. Helping each other: The cohesion within the family is based not only on shared experiences but also on a sense of responsibility. Whether older siblings help the younger ones get dressed, whether you support each other when shopping together, or manage the household together, such everyday situations strengthen the sense of community.

Fixed rules vs. flexible rules for children

Non-negotiable: In most families there are a few incontrovertible, situation-independent rules. They form the "framework" for family life, e.g.

• No hitting or kicking

• Everyone may finish speaking, no one will be laughed at

• In traffic, everyone follows the traffic rules

• Certain areas (e.g., the stove, mom's handbag, the study) are off-limits

Flexible rules: The basic rules of a family are supplemented by specific, more flexible rules. Parents can adapt them in certain situations without calling their entire parenting into question, for example on weekends, during holidays, or when visiting grandma and grandpa. Typical flexible family rules include:

• TV times and duration

• Bedtimes

• Consumption of snacks and sweets

• Helping with household chores

• Meal times and table manners

Image credits

Father with two small children washing the dishes at home © Halfpoint - stock.adobe.com

Girl sulks, mother tries to hug and speak © fizkes - stock.adobe.com