Let children play!
When we remember our own childhood, what do we most like to look back on? The weekly piano lessons, or rather sunny afternoons with friends at the lake or whispering and giggling in the self-built fort in the living room?
Parents want the best for their child – but many forget, in the ubiquitous pressure to foster and optimize, to give their child the freedom they so desperately need.Being allowed to be a child, as long as they have the opportunity to do so: free, undisturbed play with peers is not a 'pointless' pastime, it is the foundation for healthy development of your child.
Playing makes you smart: Play is a natural form of learning for children. They let their imagination run free and, through play, practice abstract thought.Logical relationships are grasped and concentration is trained.
Playing promotes social skills: Children must communicate, argue, and find compromises while playing.Interaction with others promotes their social skills and their empathy.
Playing is healthy: Children run, jump, climb and romp when playing. This free movement is an essential part of their development, makes children fit and strengthens their body awareness.
Playing is fun: Children can freely express themselves in play and learn and discover without expectations or performance pressure.
And last but not least: Playing keeps children occupied for hours – that gives you space for yourselves and all other everyday activities.
Support without overwhelming
If you compare a childhood 20 or 30 years ago with childhood today, you can feel how much expectations have shifted. The typical phrase of our childhood "Out you go, but be back for dinner!" is hardly heard anymore. Instead, we drive our children after school to violin lessons, to handball training, to children's debating club or to tutoring.
There are countless opportunities for support, and the pressure to perform grows for parents and children alike: While parents desperately strive to do everything right and prepare their child optimally for the future, children are under pressure from an early age to function and to have to measure themselves against the achievements of others. But: How are children supposed to develop their personality if they have one appointment after another in everyday life?
The best opportunities for development are those for which you neither have to pay nor have to sign up your child. Be there for your child and support them in everyday family life.
How can I support my child's development?
The defiant phase between two and three years old is notorious – and almost all parents occasionally feel that the defiant phase actually stretches from about six months up to primary school age. What is the best way to deal with sudden tantrums or stubborn children?
With attention and genuine interest:Time spent together playing, cuddling and talking is the foundation for healthy development.
By focusing on their preferences:If your child is enthusiastic about the drums, violin lessons make little sense. Find out what your child really enjoys and support those preferences – even if you had imagined something completely different.
By letting go:Trust your child – it is the mix of small successes and failures that helps your child develop a healthy self-confidence.
With consistency:Many parents fear that scolding or punishment will make their child unhappy. Firm rules and appropriate consequences also give a child security – as long as they are applied fairly and understandably.
Pink and light blue – how does gender-neutral parenting work?
A look at the baby department of department stores says it all: ponies and princesses on one side, cars and pirates on the other; this pattern already appears on baby rompers. Many parents have problems with this kind of imprinting. Shouldn't children be able to develop their own preferences without being sorted into 'gender boxes' from the start?
Our article provides answers to this questionTypical boy, typical girl: Does gender-neutral parenting work?This is exactly where gender-neutral parenting starts. Children should be able to freely develop their personality without having to meet society's expectations of their gender. Parents who follow this parenting style often give their children gender-neutral names and from the outset provide both 'boys' and 'girls' toys, and often make pants, skirts and dresses available equally.
Self-determined gender roles for children?
Basically that's exactly what we want for our children – that they grow up without clichés and prejudices and can live out their preferences. Critics, however, argue that a strictly gender-neutral upbringing can also cause a lack of orientation in children. It is not precisely known which factors play a role in sexual identity. What is certain is that upbringing is not solely responsible for how children find their gender role.
The big advantage of gender-neutral parenting – namely the freedom for personal development – is countered by a big risk: children who do not commit to their role as boy or girl run the risk of becoming outsiders in kindergarten and school. External influences and expectations become increasingly stronger during this time, so many children gradually conform to their gender role anyway.
What to do about problems in daycare and school?
At the latest with the start of day care, child-rearing is no longer solely the parents' responsibility. Educators, teachers and of course the other children shape your child's everyday life. Things don't always run smoothly. Maybe your child comes to you with their problems, or maybe you learn of difficulties through careful probing or conversations with teachers and caregivers. Usually the most sensible thing is to stay calm, obtain a neutral opinion if necessary, and find a solution together.
Learning difficulties:
Many parents are alarmed when their child learns more slowly than other children. The focus on performance is out of place in daycare and also fundamentally in primary school. Even with persistent learning difficulties at school, it is important that you convey security to your child and do not give the impression that they are 'not good enough'.
If there really is a developmental delay, professional caregivers or educators will address it with you in good time and, if necessary, suggest support measures such as speech therapy or occupational therapy.
Difficulties with social interactions:
Not only reserved children sometimes have difficulties in daycare or school. For little rascals it can also be difficult at times to make contact with other, less outgoing children and communicate with them. You can't force anything; don't worry too much if your child doesn't have as many friends as other children.
Maybe over time they'll find one or two other children they get on particularly well with. You can support these friendships to strengthen your child's self-confidence and open them up to new friendships.
Difficulty with the pedagogical concept:
Most daycares and schools follow a certain pedagogical approach that is explained in detail in the respective statutes. Most parents familiarize themselves with the concept when they register their child in a facility. In practice, however, things sometimes turn out differently than one imagined. Not all children get along with all parenting styles and a pedagogical concept is not always supported and implemented uniformly by all educators.
Basically your gut feeling should decide: Does your child feel comfortable? Do you feel that your child is well cared for there? Only if you can clearly answer either question with 'No' should you consider a change – because that usually means additional stress for your child.
Everyday tips for a happy childhood
Spending time together:
Up to a certain age, the nicest thing for all children is to spend time with mom and dad. It does not have to be big outings: Playing, reading or simply cuddling on the sofa provides security and comfort.
Sometimes do nothing:
Sometimes less is more. Children are tied up in daycare and school all week and constantly experience new things there. So a day with no plans, with plenty of time to play, is pure bliss. Of course parents want to offer their children something – but back-to-back leisure activities even the most active children will not enjoy.
Be patient:
Your child still has the opportunity to learn through play and to develop freely. Give them this chance and allow them to develop at their own pace – this is not only more relaxed for your child, but also for you.
Listen:
It sounds so simple, but in the hectic everyday life and with the increasing pressure from outside, one sometimes forgets what is really important: listening to your child and taking them seriously, in order to support them in their needs.
To the latest articles from this topic area
Image credits
ZTwo children painting with hands, feet and a brush on paper © Denys - stock.adobe.com
Grandchild stands between grandparents at the grill © Halfpoint - stock.adobe.com
Grandfather stands in front of 2 girls © NDABCREATIVITY - stock.adobe.com
Grandfather has his arms around a girl and a man © NDABCREATIVITY - stock.adobe.com