Well, I'd do it differently ...
The classics among parenting tips
Just let your child cry for a while.
I wouldn't allow my child to sleep in the parents' bed.
Aren't you going to slowly wean him/her off diapers?
Are you still breastfeeding?
You drop everything as soon as your child wants something – that's how you spoil them.
An occasional smack doesn't hurt – otherwise children never learn discipline.
Putting a 14-month-old in daycare already - isn't that much too early?
You need to take it easier – then your child will be calmer too.
It's all in the tone
Not entirely negative: Parenting tips, whether from experienced parents or the childless, are not always out of place. An objective view of things can sometimes even be helpful in understanding one's own behavior.
Factual and reserved: Spontaneous tips and blanket judgments usually miss the mark. If you observe acquaintances with their child and feel that you can help, you should seek a conversation instead of overwhelming them with advice. Important: Emotions have no place in such conversations; your own experiences do.
Right time, right place: The situation is decisive - if the child is having a tantrum or the family is stressed, no one is eager to accept parenting tips. Wait for a calm moment and, if possible, speak with the parent alone - that way they won't feel exposed in front of others.
Show understanding: Be understanding if someone brusquely rejects a parenting tip. You might have reacted the same way. A dismissive attitude can be self-protection, because often parents are insecure themselves or doubt the success of their parenting. As a rule of thumb: offering advice is allowed, but so is rejecting it.
From whom do you take parenting advice?
Good advice on parenting can be exhausting – but it can also provide an important impetus. It depends on who it comes from, in what situation it is offered and, above all, in what tone. By the way, that's also a good guideline when you yourselves are tempted to give parenting tips: ask yourselves when and from whom you would accept something.
Grandparents: Grandma and Grandpa are often among a child's main caregivers and for that reason already have a certain 'competence' in parenting matters. However, there is often a lack of the necessary distance between one's own parents and oneself. A child's parents can quickly feel patronized by advice from the grandparents and involuntarily treated like children again. But if the grandparents find the right tone, they can contribute much good to the child's upbringing with their experience – and often already with the necessary calm.
Friends and acquaintances: Many parents exchange ideas with friends and acquaintances about parenting, especially if they have children of the same age. They belong to the same generation and probably share similar values and experiences, which makes it easier to accept advice. If it's a conscious exchange, everything is fine – it's perfectly okay to have different opinions. Unsolicited parenting advice from friends, e.g. in conflict situations, however, quickly gives parents the feeling of being inadequate in their parental role.
Educators, teachers, coaches: Children spend a large part of their time in kindergarten and at school. Educators and caregivers therefore know your child quite well; moreover, they experience the children outside the protected space the family provides. Trained educators also know that all parents have their own parenting style – if they really identify a need for counseling, professional caregivers will always seek a conversation instead of giving parenting advice unsolicited.
Neighbors and distant acquaintances: When neighbors come up with a one-size-fits-all solution to make the children play more quietly or stop arguing so often, that's not only inappropriate but also rude. Instead of getting annoyed, parents should respond confidently – often people are not even aware that their remark is out of place.
Discover more articles on parenting & psychology
Image credits
Mother and grandmother with toddler in front of the fireplace © primipil - stock.adobe.com
Mother and grandmother in an argument with child on the sofa © zinkevych - stock.adobe.com
Grandfather, father and girl at the laptop © NDABCREATIVITY - stock.adobe.com