Where do stereotypes and gender roles come from?

Hormones play a part:

The testosterone level has an influence on how your child's temperament develops. Because the hormone is produced in the male testes, boys' behavior is indeed somewhat wilder and more prone to roughhousing by nature. But girls can be wild too. The difference is that parents usually train away the wild behavior in girls, while it's acceptable for boys to roughhouse with a friend.

Anatomical differences:

Sex, muscle and fat distribution, and body build are different from birth.

Unintentional:

Even if you don't want to, you unconsciously treat your children differently depending on whether they are girls or boys. Researchers have found that parents talk more with their daughters, thereby creating a better foundation for the development of the language center. With boys, on the other hand, you as parents tend to be more boisterous. Through upbringing, prejudices arise about what is typical for girls and typical for boys.

Like parents, like children:

Children take their parents as role models. When your kids discover their gender at about age three, they usually look to the same-sex parent to find out how a woman or a man behaves. So if your child learns from the start that men are strong and women are sensitive, it will adopt that for its own idea of gender roles.

The media suggest differences:

Whether you enter a toy store, watch a children's series together, or read a book – often there are already toys and stories shaped to fit typical gender roles. For girls everything revolves around fairies and pink, while boys are given diggers and soccer.

Unconscious gendered parenting

In our society gender-specific expectations are still entrenched. Even if you as parents want to raise your kids gender-neutrally, you mostly act unconsciously in stereotypical ways.

By telling your daughter how pretty she is because she is wearing a dress or has a nice hairstyle, she learns that what matters is how she looks. The appearance is a common conversation starter for girls.Parents like to praise their boys when they play soccer well or train in karate. That shows the boy that he is praised for his physical performance.

In addition, children also learn prejudices through products and food, such as horses for girls and cars for boys. This further reinforces gender roles.

Pink & Blue - gender segregation in toys and furnishings

Does a girl's room have to be decorated in pink and equipped with a large doll collection? Should you decorate your little boy's room in blue and only fill it with action figures and cars? The answer is very clear: No! In general: whatever your child likes is allowed. At first, you as parents decide how you furnish the children's room. Many parents often consciously choose against the 'typical' colors. Later your children may help decide.

Our tip: Give in to your kids' wishes, whether your children want to live in a blue, green or pink room.

Don't be upset if all efforts at gender-neutral parenting sometimes don't bear fruit and your son prefers cars to the play kitchen occupied with. Trying out different roles and preferences is part of development. The only important thing is that you convey to your child, that your child can be and play whatever they want – and that you give them the confidence that this is completely okay.

By kindergarten at the latest there's probably a toy corner for girls and for boys. Here your son will then surely have enough self-confidence to put the cars aside to draw with the colored pencils to draw. And your daughter will make clear to the other boys that she can just as well fight a monster with a sword if she wants to.

Tips for gender-neutral parenting

Gender stereotypes are outdated today, because both girls and boys develop their own personality and have individual traits and behaviors. And this mainly depends on how you socialize your child and which groups they feel they belong to. Try to give your children the freedom they need so they can unfold and express themselves freely. We have seven tips for gender-neutral parenting compiled for you.

1. Give freedom: Always give your child the feeling that they can be whatever they want and that they are perfect as they are. Let them experiment and try things out: Be open to both non-stereotypical and stereotypical games and dress-up play of your kids.

2. Don't box them into clichés: "You mustn't play in the dirt, you're a girl" or "Boys have to be strong" – you should not judge your child's behavior by their gender. This pushes them into role expectations that aren't accurate. A girl may of course get dirty and play in the mud to her heart's content, whereas a boy may also cry.

3. Promote role play: With a box full of costumes, hats, scarves or old clothes you give your little ones the opportunity to dress up and slip into different roles. This way your kids develop their personalities and let their creativity run wild.

4. Vary activities: Boys can help with cooking and girls can repair the bicycle. Teach your child as many different skills as possible. That not only strengthens self-confidence, but your kids may also discover new exciting hobbies.

5. Variety: Show your darling that life is not just pink or blue, but colorful. For example introduce people with "atypical" jobs for example: a man who is a hairdresser or a woman who repairs cars. This way they learn playfully that it's not always either/or.

6. Self-reflection: Take conscious time to reflect on your conversations with your children. Do you often praise your daughter for her appearance? Then steer the conversation towards her great performance in swimming. This way you focus on strengths that are less tied to gender roles.

7. Talk openly with your children: If your son wants to go to kindergarten wearing a skirt, it's best to talk openly with him about it. You should say clearly that he can wear whatever he wants. However, point out to him that there are also people who find it funny or inappropriate. Together you'll find a suitable solution that makes you feel comfortable.

Image credits

Boy plays with a wooden dollhouse that is on the table © kostikovanata - stock.adobe.com

Girl paints wall in turquoise © Alena Ozerova - stock.adobe.com

Boys with tiara, golden freckles and nail polish, with long blond hair © Olesia Bilkei - stock.adobe.com