Where do stereotypes and gender roles come from?

Hormones play a role:

The testosterone level influences how your child's temperament develops. Because the hormone is produced in the male testes, boys' behavior is actually, by nature, somewhat wilder and more prone to rough-and-tumble play. But girls are wild too. The difference is that parents usually train the wild behavior out of girls, while it's considered okay for boys to roughhouse with a friend.

Anatomical differences:

Sex, muscle and fat distribution, and body build are different from birth. For that reason alone, your children already feel belonging to the respective group and experience their everyday life differently.

Unintentional:

Even if you don't want to, you unconsciously treat your children differently depending on whether they are girls or boys. Researchers have found that parents speak more with their daughters and thereby lay a better foundation for the development of the language center. With boys, on the other hand, you as parents tend to romp around more. Through upbringing, prejudices arise about what is typical for girls and typical for boys.

Like parents, like children:

Children take their parents as role models. When your kids discover their gender at about three years old, they usually look to the same-sex parent to find out how a woman or a man behaves. So if your child learns from the start that men are strong and women are sensitive, it will adopt that for its own role model.

The media suggest differences:

Whether you enter a toy store, watch a children's series together, or read a book – often here already toys and stories are already designed to fit typical gender roles. For girls everything revolves around fairies and pink, while boys are presented with diggers and football.

Unconscious gender-specific upbringing

In our society gender-specific expectations are still entrenched. Even if you as parents want to raise your kids gender-neutrally, you usually act unconsciously in a stereotypical way. Because with your ideas of how boys and girls should be, you help shape gender roles.

By telling your daughter how pretty she is because she is wearing a dress or has a nice hairstyle, she learns that what matters is how she looks. The appearance is a common conversation starter for girls. Parents like to praise their boys when they play football well or train karate. This shows the boy that he is praised for his physical performance. Children thus usually learn early which traits and expectations are associated with their gender.

In addition, children also learn prejudices through products and foods, such as horses for girls and cars for boys. This further reinforces gender roles.

Pink & Blue - Gender separation in toys and furnishings

Does a girl's room have to be decorated in pink and equipped with a large doll collection? Should you your little boy's bedroom be wallpapered in blue and contain only action figures and cars? The answer is a clear no!In general: Whatever your child likes is allowed. At first you as parents decide how you furnish the children's room. Many parents often consciously decide against the 'typical' colors. Later your children are allowed to help decide.

Our tip: Give in to your kids' wishes best, whether your children want to live in a blue, green, or pink room.

Don't be annoyed if all efforts toward a gender-neutral upbringing sometimes don't bear fruit and your son prefers cars rather than the play kitchen. Trying out different roles and preferences is part of development. The important thing is that you convey to your child, that it can be and play whatever it wants - and that you give it the confidence that this is completely okay.

By kindergarten at the latest there is probably a toy corner for girls and for boys. Here your son will then certainly have enough self-confidence to put the cars aside in order to draw with the colored pencils to draw with. And your daughter will make it clear to the other boys that she can just as well fight a monster with a sword if she wants to.

Tips for gender-neutral parenting

Gender stereotypes are outdated today, because both girls and boys develop their own personality and have individual traits and behaviors. And this depends above all on how you socialize your child and which groups it feels it belongs to. Try to give your children the space they need so they can freely develop and express themselves. We have seven tips for gender-neutral parenting compiled for you.

1. Give freedom: Always give your child the feeling that it can be whatever it wants and that it is perfect as it is. Let it experiment and try things out: Be open to all non-stereotypical as well as stereotypical games and dress-up activities of your kids.

2. Don't confine them to clichés: "You mustn't play in the dirt, you're a girl" or "Boys must be strong" - you should not judge your child's behavior based on their gender. This pushes them into role expectations that are not true. A girl may of course get dirty and play in the mud to her heart's content, whereas a boy may also cry.

3. Encourage role play: With a box full of costumes, hats, scarves, or old clothes you give your little ones the opportunity to dress up and slip into different roles. This way your kids develop their personality and express their creativity.

4. Vary activities: Boys can help with cooking and girls can repair the bicycle. Teach your child as many different skills as possible. This not only strengthens self-confidence, but your kids may also discover new exciting hobbies.

5. Variety: Show your darling that life is not just pink or blue, but colorful. For example, introduce people with 'atypical' jobs to them: a man who is a hairdresser or a woman who repairs cars. This way they learn playfully that it's not always just an either/or.

6. Self-reflection: Take conscious time to reflect on your conversations with your children. Do you often praise your daughter for her appearance? Then steer the conversation toward her great performance in swimming. This focuses on strengths that are less related to gender roles.

7. Talk openly with your children: If your son wants to go to kindergarten wearing a skirt, it's best to talk openly with him about it. You should clearly say that he can wear what he wants.

Image credits

Boy playing with a wooden dollhouse on the table © kostikovanata - stock.adobe.com

Girl painting a wall in turquoise © Alena Ozerova - stock.adobe.com

Boy with a tiara, golden freckles and nail polish, with long blonde hair © Olesia Bilkei - stock.adobe.com