There is no optimal parenting style – or is there?

It could be so simple: A universal parenting style, that can be implemented by everyone and your child optimally for their future prepared. Unfortunately, there is no secret recipe for the universal parenting method, unfortunately. Why not?

• Characteristics of the child: A loving relationship is essential in raising your child. Depending on the developmental stage and personality of your child you may find that the original approach proves less sensible. Don't worry, that's perfectly normal. After all, you want to support your child in developing their own personality. Some children flourish best when they can enjoy their freedom, others are insecure and need their parents' support. Over time you'll find out which approach works best.

• Individual preferences: Every set of parents and even each parent decides for themselves what they particularly value. For one, it's important that their child is allowed to try everything from the start and is given all the time in the world, for others it's important that their child also learns rules and structures. Often these principles stem from one's own positive or negative experiences. Therefore, parenting styles are a very individual matter.

• External conditions: It wasn't long ago that the authoritarian parenting style was considered the be-all and end-all. In the meantime, child-rearing has changed dramatically. Looking at past decades, it's clear that parenting styles evolve and depend on the spirit of the times. But no matter which parenting style is currently in vogue – your child should learn that their actions have consequences. At the same time, it's important that you foster your support your child, support them in the development of their personality and give them appropriate freedom.

Values & norms: That's why parenting styles are important

Even in families that do not explicitly deal with the topic of parenting styles, a tendency usually develops over time that is pursued in child-rearing. It's perfectly fine not to adhere to a prescribed concept, because in most cases your gut feeling is exactly right. But at the latest when your little one goes to daycare or school, you face the choice: Many institutions are oriented towards certain parenting concepts. These concepts make use of different parenting styles. The common aim is to impart to children to impart societal norms and values and thus prepare them for their life path. They differ in terms of how these are conveyed. As parents, the decision about which parenting style you prefer is yours.

How to find the right parenting style

As soon as you inform yourselves about the different educational concepts informed, you'll quickly find that one parenting style appeals to you more than another. You may like several approaches equally well – that's perfectly fine. Then it's best to combine the different aspects of the individual approaches to define the parenting style that's right for you. The following tips will help with your decision:

• Think about what goal you pursue with your parenting: Usually, through the goal of parenting a tendency can be established as to which parenting style fits best. For example, if it is particularly important to you that your child grows up very independently, a liberal-democratic parenting style might be an option.

• Don't become fixated on adopting a certain parenting style. Dare to combine different approaches, to find your very own parenting style for you and your child.

• Trust your gut: In some situations it may happen that you contradict your own principles. Even the most egalitarian parents find themselves in situations where they set rules for their children. That's not bad at all – explain to your child why you act that way in this particular situation.

• Admit to yourselves that neither your child nor you are perfect and you don't have to be. Mistakes are allowed and even important! What matters much more is to deal openly with mistakes and be able to admit them – and learn from them.

Overview of different parenting styles

Parenting styles have been researched by social psychologists for many years. There are countless methods, styles and concepts that sometimes differ greatly from each other or are similar to one another. Kurt Lewin, Diana Baumrind as well as Anne-Marie and Reinhard Tausch are well-known names in parenting research. Most parenting styles are based on their studies of behaviors between parents and children. We present the four most well-known:

The permissive parenting style

With a permissive upbringing you give your child a lot of freedom. They may decide everything themselves with the goal of being able to develop completely freely and to be as creative as possible. With this parenting style you make suggestions, but set no fixed rules and boundaries in place. You as parents trust that your little one learns for themselves what is good for them and what is not – punishments as a consequence for misbehavior are not foreseen in the permissive parenting style.

Part of this type of child-rearing is „Laissez-faire“, which translated from French means „let do“. Here too there are no rules for the child; it must be active in decision-making itself. This parenting style is characterized by a certain indifference of the parents and has spoiling or neglectful characteristics.

The authoritarian parenting style

The authoritarian parenting style is, as the name suggests, the exact opposite of permissive parenting. Until the 1960s this model was predominant: It relies heavily on punishment, prohibitions and reward and is considered strict. Meanwhile the parenting style is controversial, because the strict hierarchy between caregiver (i.e. parents) and child often results in a lack of closeness and little affection towards each other – the emotional relationship is negatively affected. Important: An authoritarian parenting style is significantly more extreme than strict parenting. Just because you set rules for your child doesn't mean you're being authoritarian.

The democratic parenting style

One of the most important features in a democracy: equality. That also characterizes the democratic parenting style. Here attention is paid to the fact that parents and children communicate on an equal footing and make decisions together. The aim is to teach independent thinking and reflective action. Strict rules and paternalism have no place here; instead parents provide support and backing. The rules and regulations that exist should be made transparent and thus understandable for your offspring. Instead of punishments you express criticism constructively and appreciatively. Your relationship is open – acceptance, affection and warmth are paramount.

The authoritative parenting style

Authoritative parenting, like the democratic parenting style, provides rules and boundaries in combination with lots of love and affection . This combination is considered the golden middle ground, which is why many experts consider authoritative parenting the most successful model. In doing so, you support your child in all matters in a caring, appreciative manner. Rules are clearly defined and also justified – for violations there are consequences such as a punishment. It is important that the punishment is proportionate and was discussed in advance. Children raised authoritatively receive a lot of love and support. As parents, you communicate your expectations openly while also taking your child's wishes into account.

Image credits:

A child sticks out their tongue at their mother © Anatoliy Karlyuk - AdobeStock

Toddler holds two balls in front of the father's eyes © micromonkey - AdobeStock

Two boys paint with their hands, feet and a brush © Denys - AdobeStock

Woman scolds a girl at the table © etonastenka - AdobeStock