There is no optimal parenting style – or is there?

It could be so simple: A universal parenting style, that can be implemented by anyone and your child optimally for its future prepared. But a secret recipe for the universal parenting method unfortunately does not exist. Why not?

• Characteristics of the child: A loving relationship is essential in raising your child. Depending on stage of development and the personality of your child, you may find that the original approach proves less sensible. Don't worry, that's completely normal. After all, you want to support your child in developing their own personality. Some children can flourish best when they can enjoy their freedom, others are insecure and need the support of their parents. Over time you will find which approach works best.

• Individual preferences: Each parenting couple and even each parent decides for themselves what they particularly value. For some it is important that their child is allowed to try everything on their own from the start and is given all the time in the world, for others it is important that their child also learns rules and structures. Often these principles stem from one's own positive or negative experiences. Therefore parenting styles are a very individual matter.

• External conditions: It wasn't that long ago that the authoritarian parenting style was considered the ultimate. In the meantime child-rearing has changed considerably. A look at past decades shows that parenting styles evolve and depend on the zeitgeist. But no matter which parenting style is currently in trend – your child should learn that their actions have consequences. At the same time it is important that you support your child, support them in developing their personality and give them appropriate freedom.

Values & Norms: That's why parenting styles are important

Even in families that do not explicitly deal with the topic of parenting styles, a tendency usually develops over time trend that is followed in child-rearing. It is perfectly fine not to stick to a prescribed concept, because in most cases your gut feeling is exactly right. But by the latest when your little one starts daycare or school, you face the choice: Many institutions are aligned with certain parenting concepts. These concepts make use of various parenting styles. The common goal is to teach children to convey societal norms and values and thus prepare them for their life path. They differ in terms of the way in which these are conveyed. The decision about which parenting style you prefer lies with you parents.

How to find the right parenting style

Once you have informed yourselves about the different educational concepts informed, you will quickly find that one parenting style appeals to you more than another. Possibly you like several approaches equally well – that's perfectly fine. Then it's best to combine the different aspects of the individual approaches to define the parenting style that is right for you. The following tips will help with your decision:

• Think about what goal you are pursuing with your parenting: Often a tendency can already be determined by the goal of parenting to determine which parenting style suits best. For example, if it is particularly important to you that your child grows up very independently, a liberal-democratic parenting style might be appropriate.

• Don't get stuck on adopting a particular parenting style. Dare to combine different approaches, in order to find your very own parenting style for you and your child.

• Trust your gut feeling: In some situations it can happen that you contradict your own principles. Even the most egalitarian parents find themselves in situations where they set rules for their children. That's absolutely not a problem – explain to your child why you act this way in that particular situation.

• Admit to yourselves that neither your child nor you are perfect and you don't have to be. Mistakes are allowed and even important! Much more crucial is to be open about mistakes and to be able to admit them – and to learn from them.

Overview of different parenting styles

Parenting styles have been researched by social psychologists for many years. There are countless methods, styles and concepts that sometimes differ greatly from each other or are similar to one another. Kurt Lewin, Diana Baumrind as well as Anne-Marie and Reinhard Tausch are well-known names in parenting research. Most parenting styles are based on their studies of behaviors between parents and children. We present the four best-known ones to you:

The permissive parenting style

With a permissive upbringing you give your child a lot of freedom. They are allowed to decide everything themselves with the aim of being able to develop completely freely and to be as creative as possible. With this parenting style you make suggestions, but do not set firm rules and boundaries . You as parents trust that your little one learns on their own what is good for them and what is not – punishments as a consequence for misbehavior are not provided for in the permissive parenting style.

Part of this type of child-rearing is „Laissez-faire“, which translated from French means "to let do". Here too there are no rules for the child, it has to be active in decision-making itself. This parenting style is characterized by a certain indifference of the parents and has spoiling or neglectful characteristics.

The authoritarian parenting style

The authoritarian parenting style, as the name suggests, is the exact opposite of permissive upbringing. Until the 1960s this model was predominant: It relies heavily on punishment, prohibitions and rewards and is considered strict. Meanwhile the parenting style is controversial, because the strict hierarchy between caregiver (i.e., parents) and child often results in a lack of closeness and little affection towards each other – the emotional relationship is negatively affected. Important: an authoritarian parenting style is clearly more extreme than a strict upbringing. Just because you set rules for your child does not mean you are parenting authoritatively.

The democratic parenting style

One of the most important features in a democracy: equality. That also characterizes the democratic parenting style. Here it is ensured that parents and children communicate on equal terms and make decisions together. The aim is to teach independent thinking and reflective action. Strict rules and paternalism have no place here; instead parents provide support and backing. The rules and regulations that exist should be made transparent and thus be comprehensible for your offspring. Instead of punishments you express criticism constructively and appreciatively. Your relationship is open – acceptance, affection and warmth come first.

The authoritative parenting style

Like the democratic parenting style, authoritative upbringing also includes rules and boundaries combined with lots of love and affection . This combination is considered the golden middle way, which is why many experts consider authoritative parenting the most successful model. In doing so you support your child in all respects in a caring, appreciative manner. Rules are clearly defined and also justified – for violations there are consequences such as a punishment. It is important that the punishment is proportionate and has been discussed in advance. Children raised authoritatively receive a lot of love and support. As parents you openly communicate your expectations while at the same time considering your child's wishes.

Image credits:

Child sticks out their tongue at their mother © Anatoliy Karlyuk - AdobeStock

Toddler holds two balls in front of the father's eyes © micromonkey - AdobeStock

Two boys paint with hands, feet, and a brush © Denys - AdobeStock

Woman scolds girl at the table © etonastenka - AdobeStock