Only child: Not selfish at all

Where does the stereotype 'only child' come from?

Reproductive drive:

Humans are by nature geared to reproduce. A family that has and raises only one child therefore does little for the survival of humankind. At its core this view is probably true. Contrary to widespread opinion, the number of one-child families has not increased significantly and there are still plenty of families with two or more children who balance out the only children.

Difficult history:

Before the Second World War, families with five or more children were the norm. Afterwards they became fewer and fewer. Children who were without siblings in this period mostly came from difficult family situations, were orphaned, or were born out of wedlock. The latter, in particular, remained a taboo until a few years ago and contributed to the poor image of only children.

Less contact with peers:

Before childcare for toddlers was expanded and financially supported by the state, it was typical for only children to have more intensive contact with peers only at school. Until then they had little opportunity to train their social skills in this respect and often indeed appeared like little adults. Today this has fundamentally changed thanks to the expansion of nurseries and daycare centers, and the "typical" behavior of only children and children with siblings cannot be distinguished.

Only child – how important are siblings?

Allied siblings often have a very special bond. Even if they don't like each other sometimes, in the end they always belong together. They can form a team in which the parents are somewhat on the outside.

Increased assertiveness:

Siblings often have to fight for what they want. Even trivial decisions like the color of a game piece are battled out. From this, children also learn to assert themselves and to work through conflicts.

Pioneers in parenting:

Many younger siblings will know this: they usually find it easier to get their wishes through to their parents. Firstborns have often fought the most important battles already and parents are somewhat more relaxed — and more yielding — from the second child on.

Shared attention:

With siblings, parents' attention is distributed among several children. That way not all the parents' wishes and dreams rest on a single child. Also, siblings can withdraw now and then when the parents need to deal with a sibling's worries and problems.

What advantages do only children have?

Undivided parental attention:

No one to share the parents' love and attention with – even though it can sometimes be a bit much, only children can generally rely on their parents' full attention without sibling battles.

Ability to admit mistakes:

The vase tipped over — darn. Unfortunately there are no siblings to blame. Only children therefore learn early to take responsibility for their mistakes. That is also helpful in adult life.

Solo entertainer:

Children who grow up without siblings can often occupy themselves better. Mom and Dad can't always be there to play. So after kindergarten or school they have plenty of opportunity to play alone.

Good sharers:

Selfish people who like to have everything to themselves? That's a typical prejudice about only children. In fact, the opposite is usually true. Only children like to share and are generous when they have the opportunity, because they haven't been forced to do so their whole lives.

Open and sociable:

Without siblings and always-available playmates, only children have to actively seek company. They therefore learn early to approach other children and as adults are also more engaged in maintaining their friendships.

Only children are … just like everyone else

No matter the reason you decide to raise only one child: worries about your child's personality development are unfounded. Nowadays children without siblings get sufficient contact with peers and can train their social skills from the start. The poor reputation of the siblingless will hopefully dissolve sooner or later. Only child or child with siblings, both have advantages and disadvantages — and you should decide entirely on your own how you want to shape your family. No matter what grandma and grandpa or society say.

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