Only child: Not selfish at all

Where does the stereotype 'only child' come from?

Reproductive drive:

People are naturally driven to reproduce. A family that has and raises only one child therefore contributes little to the continuation of humankind. At its core this view is probably true. Contrary to common belief, however, the number of families with only one child has not risen significantly and there are still enough families with two or more children to 'balance out' only children.

Difficult history:

Before the Second World War, families with five or more children were the norm. Afterwards they became less common. Children who were without siblings during this time mostly came from difficult family situations, were orphaned, or were born out of wedlock. Especially the latter was, until a few years ago, still a taboo and contributed to the poor image of only children.

Less contact with peers:

Before childcare for toddlers was expanded and financially supported by the state, it was typical for only children to have more intensive contact with peers only once they started school. Until then they had little opportunity to practice their social skills in this regard and often did indeed seem like little adults. Today this has fundamentally changed thanks to the expansion of nurseries and daycare centers, and the 'typical' behavior of only children and children with siblings is indistinguishable.

Only child – how important are siblings?

Allied siblings often have a very special bond. Even if they don't always like each other, in the end they belong together. They can form a team in which the parents are somewhat left out.

Strengthened assertiveness:

Siblings often have to fight for what they want. Even trivial decisions, like the color of a game piece, are fought over. From this children also learn to assert themselves and to handle conflicts.

Trailblazers in parenting:

Many younger siblings will know this: they usually find it easier to get their wishes through to the parents. Firstborns have often already fought the most important battles, and parents are a bit more relaxed—and more permissive—from the second child on.

Shared attention:

With siblings, parents' attention is distributed across several children. That way not all of the parents' wishes and dreams rest on a single child. In addition, the children with siblings can withdraw from time to time when the parents need to attend to the worries and problems of their brothers or sisters.

What advantages do only children have?

Undivided parental attention:

No one to share the love and attention of the parents with – even if it can become a bit too much, only children can usually rely on the full attention of their parents without sibling fights.

Ability to admit mistakes:

The vase tipped over—damn. Unfortunately there are no siblings to blame. Only children therefore learn early on to take responsibility for their mistakes. That is also helpful in adult life.

Solo entertainer:

Children who grow up without siblings can often better occupy themselves. Mom and dad cannot always be there to play. So after kindergarten or school they have plenty of opportunity to play alone.

Good sharers:

Selfish people who like to have everything to themselves? That's a typical only-child prejudice. In fact, the opposite is usually the case. Only children like to share and are generous when given the opportunity, since they haven't been forced to share their whole lives.

Open and sociable:

Without siblings and always-available playmates, only children have to actively seek out company. They therefore learn early on to approach other children and are also more engaged in maintaining friendships as adults.

Only children are... like everyone else

No matter what reason you decide to raise only one child: worries about your child's personality development are unfounded. Nowadays children without siblings have sufficient contact with peers and can train their social skills from the start. So hopefully the bad reputation of those without siblings will dissolve sooner or later. Only child or child with siblings, both have advantages and disadvantages — and you should decide entirely on your own how to shape your family. No matter what grandma and grandpa or society say.

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