Helicopter parents – What's behind the term?

Keyword "helicopter parents": The English term "helicopter parents" was originally coined in the USA and quickly became synonymous with a new generation of parents who are always present to protect, guide, and entertain their children. They hover constantly over the children's heads and accompany them at every turn – like helicopters of a police search unit.

Changed perception of children: In the meantime the term has also become established in German. Helicopter behavior among parents is widespread here as well. Why is that? Perhaps because the image of children and childhood in general has changed. Today children are born as long-planned, desired children who are supposed to grow up under the most perfect conditions possible. Parents who have already made a career before planning a family are used to actively controlling processes instead of simply letting things take their course.

Fear of failing as a parent? All too often, overly involved parents are simply driven by fear. Fear of not being able to provide enough for the child, fear of not adequately promoting and preparing them for the future, fear above all of what bad things might happen out in the world. All parents are familiar with these doubts – they are part of being a parent just as much as the fact that you have to let go of your children bit by bit in order to pave their way into life.

Helicopter mother – what does that do to a child?

All parents essentially have the same goal: To raise their children safely and happily. Helicopter parents, however, overshoot this goal considerably. Instead of letting their children run around outdoors, they organize afternoon activities and support programs, plan their child's free time, and step in immediately when a challenge arises. A typical example is parents who interfere immediately in minor conflicts between their children and classmates or teachers and defend their child, who accompany their child step by step and would prefer to join the class trip themselves so that nothing happens, and who insist that the class outing not be a bike ride because that would be far too strenuous for the children.

But what does this behavior do to children? Even though helicopter children are supported optimally in many respects, the constant insecurity shown by their parents primarily conveys a lack of self-confidence. Parents who take every task and every decision away from their child suggest one thing above all: You can't do this on your own. But children who aren't given the chance to discover their own abilities miss out on important successes as well as formative defeats. That makes them lazy – why show initiative when someone else will sort it out? – and makes it harder to take on responsibility.

How much of a helicopter mother is in you?

Where is the line between caring and overprotecting? What is healthy parental composure, and what can already be interpreted as indifference?

It's not always easy to place one's own behavior on this scale. Especially when parents assert their position to caregivers or teachers, they are quickly labeled helicopter parents. It's of course natural to want to support your child in crisis situations. But when does one's own commitment go too far? In most cases, your child provides the answer. Parents who take part in their child's life and have learned to recognize their needs usually have a pretty good sense of what they can reasonably expect of their child and what they cannot. This will repeatedly be associated with fears and doubts – this too is an essential part of being able to let go, which helps make children responsible, independent people.

Courage to be calm

Checklist for a happy childhood

• Let your child have their own experiences and make their own mistakes

• Listen to your child, instead of making what you think are the best decisions for their life

• Have confidence in your child's abilities and personality

• Give them time and space to develop freely without plans or obligations

• Forget perfectionism – no child has to be able to do or know everything

• Learn to let go, but always be there when your child really needs you