Gender-neutral upbringing

How are gender roles influenced?

Innate or learned

Scientists agree that the differences between the sexes are a complex interaction of genetic predisposition and the influences of our environment. In addition to clear physical characteristics, there are also specific behavioral differences between boys and girls that they already show in the womb. Other traits are learned – and here too you can only exert limited influence.

Innate: Boys are already physically more active in the womb than girls. Newborn boys look at an abstract image with greater attention, while girls show more interest in human faces. Later on, boys are also more risk-taking and more physically oriented, while young girls are usually ahead of same-aged boys in fine motor skills and language development.

Learned: In many kindergartens there is little or no awareness of gender-neutral upbringing: girls are encouraged to craft, be read to, and play in the doll corner, while boys roughhouse and play with cars. Retail, for example in toys and children's clothing, also strongly reinforces gender-typical advice. And last but not least, family and friends, with remarks like 'That's not for girls' or with the next toy excavator for a birthday, reinforce the role stereotypes.

The expert says: Gender-fair rather than gender-neutral

'The differences between the sexes should and may exist. It's not about making everyone the same, but about equal opportunities,' says educator Melitta Walter, who has worked on gender-fair education for many years and led the department 'Gender-Fair Pedagogy and Violence Prevention' in the Munich school office for ten years. 'Children need opportunities to experience the most varied expressions of male and female behavior. From this pool of role models they can pick out the elements they find suitable for themselves.'

All the same? Limits of gender-neutral education

Geschlechtsneutrale Erziehung | Mutter und Sohn spielen mit Puppenhaus

Wish and reality klaffen bei der geschlechtsneutralen Erziehung mitunter auseinander: Unbewusst gehen viele Eltern unterschiedlich mit Söhnen und Töchtern um. So haben Studien gezeigt, dass Eltern mit neugeborenen Mädchen mehr sprechen als mit Jungen. Und auch, wenn Eltern sowohl Ritterburg als auch Einkaufsladen in das Kinderzimmer stellen, sind häufig die geschlechtertypischen Spielzeuge mehr im Vordergrund oder leichter erreichbar.

Trying out: All children want to try out their gender role – and the common clichés are often overused in the process. Girls want only pink, talk about princesses and are enthusiastic about hair accessories, while boys roughhouse, roar, stage fights and vehemently distance themselves from anything associated with girls. Even if it makes you despair – exaggerated role behavior is part of child development and is important for children to find their place.

Own ideas: Sure, most parents like a strong girl who repairs bicycles or plays soccer. Few can warm to a gentle, communicative boy who places a lot of value on his appearance. One's own ideas of a boy or a girl are usually not completely gender-neutral after all.

Advantages and disadvantages of a gender-neutral upbringing

Freedom to develop: The advantage of an upbringing without gender clichés is obvious: children can develop more freely and cultivate the traits that fit their personality. The feeling of being allowed to find their own way can give many children a self-confidence that shapes their later life path.

External influences: A gender-neutral upbringing can work wonderfully at home. By the time kindergarten starts, external influences and thus the confrontation with gender roles become stronger. Many parents now see their efforts of the past three years go down the drain.

Being different: Little boys who ride a pink bike without a care, or girls who lay train tracks for hours, are not often seen. Parents are rightly proud when their children live out their preferences freely – but for the children this can also mean having to defend themselves against mockery or incomprehension from peers. That is only possible with a lot of self-confidence and support from the family.

Lack of understanding: Especially grandparents and acquaintances often do not understand why boys and girls should suddenly no longer be boys or girls, as things have always been. Anyone who wants to raise their child in a gender-neutral way must be prepared for discussions with their social circle.