Sibling love - a strong bond
Sibling love is the expression of a deep bond, which lasts from the beginning of childhood to the end of life and binds siblings together.
It is an intimate bond that does not arise overnight. Rather, sibling love is shaped and taught by parental upbringing and later maintained independently.
Thus the love between siblings shaped by values and ideals, which were already imparted to them in childhood. You as parents set an example for your kids on how they should communicate and interact with one another in the future.
Thus you lead by good example in terms of consistency and show how relationships should be nurtured and cared for. One of the most important characteristics of sibling relationships is the spatially and emotionally inseparable closeness, which leads to this strong bond. Growing up together results in the same childhood memories as well as a special level of intimacy between brothers and sisters that outsiders can hardly understand.
Sibling solidarity often also manifests in unwritten obligations that are reflected in helpful and supportive behavior reflect. But like life itself, sibling love also goes through various phases.
It can happen that your children as adults pursue different views, interests and ideals that divide them for the first time. But to prevent such phases as well as a complete loss of contact or even huge rivalries, there are tips to foster the love for one another.
So no child is left out: Customizable products for loving siblings:
What makes sibling relationships so special?
A sibling relationship is hardly comparable to any other social relationship.
The closeness that develops between siblings already after birth makes them close allies who master everyday life together. Memories that bind them together remain a lifetime and can never be taken from them.
Children who grow up together, know each other inside and out. For this very reason, the sibling relationship is regarded in psychology as something very special.
Because here two poles lie very close together here: love and hate. Shared upbringing in particular brings small hurdles that can fuel jealousy or sow pure love.
Sibling love, alongside all its beautiful aspects, is of course also accompanied by minor quarrels. This is positive, because such quarrels train social skills that only children would otherwise learn through outside influences.
Children with siblings learn early to assert themselves and stand up for themselves. But also the willingness to compromise is already taught and encouraged at a young age.
Siblings Day (April 10) – what can be done?
April 10 is a very special day, because it belongs only to the siblings of this world. Since 1998, on this day all siblings celebrate one another and above all appreciate each other. Claudia Evart founded World Siblings Day to commemorate her two deceased siblings. To this day her tradition persists, which has even established itself as an international 'holiday'.
What can you do on this day? Maybe you start with a great family breakfast including heartfelt conversations in which you talk about the meaning of the day and sibling love. You can emphasize how proud you are of your children and what distinguishes their love for each other. You then arrange the rest of the day the way you decide together as a family. It is important that you include your kids in the planning – after all, it's a day that belongs only to them. You thereby give them appreciation that, in turn, fills all little brothers and sisters with pride.
From fun outings with the children up to small gifts that you make in joint crafting sessions you make for each other, anything is possible on Siblings Day that you can imagine. Set off for walks, hiking trips, climbing sessions in the park or plan a cozy afternoon of games with Family game ideas – no matter what you choose, the shared family time should always be the focus.
Our games for great family fun:
How to foster the sibling relationship between your children
By the time you tell your firstborn that you are expecting a sibling, the sibling bond has already been formed. During pregnancy you can make intensive use of the time until birth to prepare yourselves, but above all your children to prepare for the new sibling.
Because firstborns in particular feel the so-called “dethronement” most strongly: The time they had alone with you will later be painfully missed, unless they are made to feel that to be an important part of the new chapter of life. So let your kids participate in all the small tasks concerning the baby that are suitable for their age.
You as parents are important caregivers who teach all siblings how they should communicate and get along with each other. Treating all of them exactly the same is not always possible, however it is possible to establish basic rules and rituals, which foster sibling love.
To prevent the dethronement trauma, rivalries and the fear of being neglected by mom and dad, you should always set the care for one another as a core value.
This way you might already give your kids small tasks, with which they are allowed to carry a tiny part of your responsibility together with you. Whether it's putting baby clothes into the wardrobe, helping with the diapering and dressing the baby or the shared reading aloud in the evening – small tasks can have a huge effect in this case.
To promote sibling love, you should always lead by example. Also the way you behave towards your own siblings and partners will be reflected in how your children interact with each other.
Set clear communication rules and make each sibling, regardless of age, aware when they are in the wrong and have not behaved properly toward their sibling.
In addition to shared rituals such as the evening bedtime story before going to bed or fun play afternoons, you should also establish so-called exclusive times. This way each of your kids gets the opportunity to spend time alone with a parent, which also strengthens the parent-child relationship.
Whether mom-and-child or dad-and-child – exclusive time with mother or father is valuable and should never be too short.
To avoid jealousy, the exclusive times should also be alternated. In general, you should never compare your children with each other, because they are individual personalities.
Praise them for their teamwork as well as for their ability to share things with each other and instill fairness in them. These are social skills that will also benefit them later in life.
Provide shared experiences of success that they have achieved through projects or similar activities. These bring your kids even closer together.
As a rule, it is beneficial to any sibling relationship if you also actively spend time together as a family and are there for one another. Security and the feeling of being needed and loved strengthen your bond so that nothing can shake it so easily.
Fostering sibling love: tips to download:
Sibling love shapes child development
In child development your kids grow into their own little personalities, which continue to develop later in life and are shaped by various influences. If they grow up with siblings, those siblings are also significantly involved in each other's development – very similar to the influence from you as parents.
To what extent siblings shape child development depends largely on the age difference. Therefore HABA has listed and explained possible age differences.
Age difference of 1-2 years
If there are only one to two years between your children, they hardly notice the influence on each other.
Jealousies usually concern relatively small things, such as different gifts or toys.
Here you should take the problems that can occur seriously – no matter how small they may seem to you – and explain why one sibling or the other is allowed to play with the toy or similar.
As a rule, with such a small age gap it is noticeable that interests and needs are still very close to one another, which is why the siblings function exceptionally well as a team.
Of course, this again depends on your responsibility as parents, because neither child should feel neglected.
Age difference of 3-5 years
With an age difference of three up to and including five years, the the risk of dethronement trauma is most pronounced.
Firstborns may, depending on the situation, express the desire to be alone again and to give their brother or sister back.
However, that should not happen, which is why you can already contemplate during pregnancy how your firstborns can share responsibility are allowed to and how great it is to be a big sibling.
Introduce exclusive one-on-one times, in which your kids get time alone with the respective parent. This leads to a balanced atmosphere and reduces jealousy.
It's also important to always state your intentions clearly, so that your children learn to understand why you reacted the way you did in certain situations.
This way your oldest children also immediately learn why their little siblings cry, scream, laugh, or test boundaries.
Understanding for their siblings grows and the love between them flourishes.
Age difference of 6 years and more
Siblings with an age difference of six years and more are in completely different phases of their lives.
The "big" ones have just started elementary school, while the "little" ones are still getting to know their abilities. Here, above all, sensitivity is required.
Besides exclusive times you should also regularly ask how they are doing, so they never get the feeling that they can be done without.
That is never the case, but children do worry a lot about receiving less attention from their parents in the future because they are no longer so small.
It should also be clear to the youngest that the older siblings also sometimes need time for themselves.
Here, it helps to set fixed shared playtimes or to stick closely to family rituals so that the balance between sibling time, family time, and individual free time can be maintained.
Should siblings be in the same daycare group?
As a rule, you should trust your instincts and make your decision about whether siblings should be in the same daycare group dependent on that. However, it is important that you first check with the selected daycare centers whether it is even possible, to place siblings in the same group. Some facilities prefer to separate siblings from each other to prevent them from distancing themselves from other children. Especially for twins, this is often a common practice of daycare centers.
Depending on how much your children need each other, to develop their own self-confidence and to have a certain sense of security, it is advisable that they be accommodated together in one daycare group. If the younger sibling only joins the group one or two years after the older one anyway, the concern about possible distancing from other children can generally be ruled out.
Joint group membership becomes problematic when the siblings shut themselves off from others for an extended period and show no interest in, approaching the caregivers and other daycare children openly. Then it should be considered to place the children in different groups. The same applies to siblings who already make it clear that they would like to be in different groups.
Siblings don't get along anymore – what now?
Quarrels are as much a part of sibling love as moments of joy. However, if the mood sours so much that major scenes of jealousy and rivalries threaten, you should step in and resolve the disputes.
HABA has on the related topic pages helpful tips and information for you, to keep sibling fights from getting out of hand and to prevent sibling rivalries.
Dealing with sibling conflict
"Why did he get a bigger piece of cake?", "Why is she allowed to have that and I'm not?" – those are typical phrases that come with siblings and harmless at first are.
However, quarrels can also be a test of nerves be – especially when they threaten to escalate.
How best to deal with it? HABA has on the topic page about sibling disputes summarized key information and listed tips, which you can use as a guide in the future.
Prevent sibling rivalries
Small disagreements between siblings are completely normal. However, if these become a daily occurrence and siblings no longer see each other as such, but only see a competitor in the other, the alarm bells ring.
There are already warning signs in parenting that will make you take notice and can indicate that a possible rivalry has developed.
On the topic page about sibling rivalries, HABA explains what is behind them and how you can best prevent them.
Frequently asked questions about sibling love
Which games promote sibling bonding?
Restoring sibling love – is that possible?
What is the most important thing for sibling love?
Read more articles on this topic
Image credits
Brother and sister sitting on the sofa © NDABCREATIVITY - stock.adobe.com
Two children arguing over a toy © Anastasia Amraeva - stock.adobe.com