How children cope with a move – the older, the more difficult

Children up to about five years old: For younger children, having their family around them is the most important thing. However, even at that age it is naturally hard to say goodbye and to bid farewell to friends from the playground. At this age it is not uncommon for children to revert after the move to patterns they had actually already left behind: for example, not sleeping through the night, bedwetting, or baby talk instead of full sentences. As they settle in, the unusual behavior usually subsides again.

School-age children: Children who already attend school have strong attachments to their friends and to their surroundings. Sadness and separation pain are completely normal and important and should be taken seriously by you. Be prepared for questions and the need to talk. Without downplaying your child's feelings, you can still try to spark anticipation and curiosity about the new home.

Teenagers: Especially during puberty, children are mostly preoccupied with themselves. This makes it difficult to embrace a move and a new environment. For this reason, teenagers take the longest to settle in.

When it's farther away: moving to a new city or another country

Sometimes moving also means going to another city or to a foreign country. Here you cannot simply explore the new surroundings in advance, and the unfamiliar remains abstract. It's best to schedule these moves during holiday times so that your child — and you yourselves — have time to get used to the new surroundings. When school and kindergarten start, at least the surroundings are somewhat more familiar and settling into everyday life is a bit easier. If you move to a new country, show your child pictures of animals and the area or see if there is a film about the new country. This helps your child imagine the new area more easily. Depending on how old your child is, you can also look into language courses specifically for children. Once the basics of the foreign language are in place, it's easier to make new friendships.

How does moving with children work? – Our tips

Preparation: Do not present your child with a fait accompli. Even though it's exhausting to do apartment viewings with children, you should talk with your child about the reasons for the move and prepare them for the new situation.

Explore the new area: If you are moving within the city, you can already explore the area around the new apartment: Where is the nearest playground? How do I get to school or kindergarten? What does it look like there?

Saying goodbye: A farewell party and the final walk through the empty apartment, during which you say goodbye to all the rooms together: Even though it can easily get lost in the hectic move, take the time to say goodbye to the people and the apartment. This helps to bring closure, look ahead, and engage with the new situation

Include them: Packing the toys, the set up the new room and decorating or carrying light boxes on moving day: If your child feels needed, the move becomes easier. Try to avoid bringing your child to the grandparents for the duration of the move and only taking them to the finished apartment. That way they feel excluded and miss the transition phase from the old to the new.

Create familiarity: Of course you want to make everything nice and new in the new apartment or house. But especially younger children need a familiar environment — at least in the child's room. So at first keep the older furniture and the usual arrangement in the child's room. That way your child has a familiar retreat.

Kids' room first: Even if the rest of the new home is still buried in a chaos of boxes: take care of the child's room first. That way your child can get into their old bed in the evening. For that, the child's things should of course also be loaded into the moving truck last.

Keep in touch: By mail, by telephone, via video calls or visits: enable your child to keep in contact with their friends. You can also set a good example yourself. That way children learn to maintain friendships over distances.

Image credits:

Family eating pizza from a box and taking a selfie © Seventyfour - stock.adobe.com

Full-page portrait of a happy father with two sons, hanging pictures on the wall while moving into a new house © Seventyfour - stock.adobe.com