Sibling jealousy

Don't you like me anymore? – Jealousy of the new baby

Even if you prepared your child for the sibling during pregnancy, the situation that there is now suddenly someone else for mommy and daddy to give attention to only really becomes real with the birth. Whether your first child is still small or already in school, they will especially suffer from the new situation in the baby's first months of life and often feel negative emotions.

Being dethroned:

Before the birth your entire attention probably went to your first child. Now the new baby is the focus. For your child the new situation is initially incomprehensible, because the baby can do nothing but sleep, cry and eat – so why does it still get so much attention?

Insecurity:

Children between about 2 and 4 years old can hardly understand that their parents' love doesn't lessen with a new child. The new situation makes them insecure and can also cause many to feel fears of loss, because they cannot yet assess the unfamiliar circumstances.

Disappointment:

Your child can hardly imagine that they were once that small and couldn't eat or play on their own. For this reason the disappointment is usually great if a new playmate doesn't immediately appear.

Behavior changes:

It is not uncommon for firstborns after the birth of a sibling to show behaviors again that they had actually outgrown – e.g. crawling instead of walking or sucking their thumb – saying that your child is already too old for it usually helps little. It's best to take the behavior with a sense of humor. These behaviors usually disappear again on their own.

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Like all relationships in life, the one between siblings is very complex. No matter how much they love each other and how strongly they stick together, some days the feeling arises that a brother or sister is treated better by the parents, receives more attention, love or privileges – and with that comes jealousy. This often leads siblings to argue over trivialities, behind which actually lies a desire for the parents' attention and love. Even if you as parents try to be fair to your children, it can happen that you feel more drawn to one child. Reasons for this can be personality or a significant event with your child. You should still always try to treat both siblings fairly.

Children are highly sensitive and quickly sense an imbalance in the family. Persistent unfair treatment can even lead to your children later having problems forming relationships with others. But don't worry, shared attention will also be good for your child: because this way children learn that it can't always be only about them.

What can I do about jealousy between siblings?

Show love:
As trivial as it may sound, show your child as often as possible how much you love them. It does your child especially good when they notice they have your undivided attention.
Make time:
Especially at the beginning it's rather difficult for mothers to take time only for their older child. Therefore, already before the birth, arrange for your partner or the grandparents to consciously take time to play or go for walks together with your first child. You can also deliberately plan activities for your older children that only the two of you do together.
Don't compare:
It is often difficult not to make comparisons between the children. Try to avoid this, because it often hurts your child more than it motivates them to read more or do their homework neater.
Strengthen the sense of togetherness:
Although time with an individual child is important, you should also do things together more often. A nice outing or even just dinner with the whole family can help show your children that you are all a team

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