What is good behavior – and how do children really learn it?

Children don't learn etiquette through drill or constant admonishment, but through what they pick up in everyday life from their parents and other caregivers. Therefore, parents should consciously follow the rules of conduct at home that they demand from their children. What does that include?

Politeness

"Please" and "Thank you", "You're welcome", friendly greetings and farewells, "Bless you", "Excuse me" etc. - it will take a while before your child has internalized these phrases and knows how to use them at the right moment.

But even today, polite behavior is the social glue that fosters good relations in everyday life and at work. We recommend: Don't be too strict; above all, lead by example.

No swear words

Not swearing is one of the major challenges for parents: All too quickly, in the hectic everyday life a swear word slips out. Regardless of how much parents hold themselves together, children in kindergarten and at school will learn the full repertoire of swear words.

What you can do to counteract swearing:

• Be a good role model and avoid swear words

• Repeatedly explain, that these expressions do not belong in normal speech

• As parents, don't let yourselves be provoked by children's swear words

Respect for others

Respect and attentiveness towards other people are hard to explain with words: children can learn this behavior, however, by observing their parents.

Conditions for respectful interaction:

• Let someone finish speaking

• Don't laugh at or exclude people

• Don't shout at or insult anyone

Helpfulness

Offering help to others requires attention and initiative - both of which children learn automatically from the start if they have good role models. Children learn helpfulness and independence, for example:

• If they take on small household tasks

• If they are also shown attention and helpfulness

• If it is acknowledged that they helped on their own initiative

Table manners

Good table manners is an ongoing topic in most families:

• Don't eat with your fingers

• Don't speak with your mouth full

• Don't rock on your chair

• Don't smack or slurp

• Don't shout "Yuck" when something doesn't taste good

Parents must remind their children of these rules again and again, until the table manners work out. Every now and then children try to provoke with their behavior at the table - here it pays off to remain composed and set a good example.

Etiquette for children is making a comeback – good manners are becoming popular again

Rigid rules of conduct for children are considered outdated by many parents. Modern parenting approaches state that etiquette and the like tend to train children and force them into conforming behavior rather than allowing them to learn social and respectful behavior naturally

At the same time, classic rules of conduct are becoming popular again. Etiquette seminars and manners courses for children are being offered again more frequently today – and are in greater demand. This may be related to the fact that parents are increasingly seeking help in raising their children, or that values such as respect and good manners are gaining importance again.

As always: children learn rules of conduct best by observing their parents and closest caregivers.

How children learn rules of conduct: How to succeed with good manners

As parents, you shape your child's behavior from the very beginning. Here are 5 tips on how you can support your children as parents:

1. Be a good role model: If parents naturally lead by good example, children will gradually internalize the basics of good behavior.

2. Don't expect too much: Three-year-olds cannot eat perfectly with knife and fork, but they can manage "please" and "thank you" – your expectations regarding manners should be aligned with your child's abilities.

3. Praise rather than scold: Praise your child for what they did right – positive feedback is a better incentive than constant admonishment.

4. Explain the rules of conduct: Try to explain the rules of conduct to your children in an understandable way – for example, why you wash your hands before eating or cover your mouth when sneezing.

5. Be patient: Until your child masters basic etiquette, they will repeatedly make small mistakes or forget learned manners – be patient and don't forget that your child should first and foremost be a child.

Image credits:

Girl makes a face while eating © very_ulissa - stock.adobe.com

Mother smiles, boy sticks his tongue out © Anatoliy Karlyuk - stock.adobe.com

Boy with grandparents at the grill © Halfpoint - stock.adobe.com