Every child has their own pace

In order for children to reliably become dry, the physical and mental prerequisites must first be established.

The nerve pathways between the bladder and the brain must be developed enough that your child can even perceive a full bladder. This development begins at about one and a half years – when it is completed varies greatly from child to child. Your child should not only be able to sit on the potty, but also be able to feel and communicate that they need to go. For this, they must have formed the cognitive connection between the urge to urinate and urination.

Basically it's like with all developmental steps. Even sitting or walking is not learned by your child at the desired time, but when their skeleton and muscle control have developed sufficiently. The development of the bladder and its nerve connections is unfortunately not visible – all the more important that you give your child the time they need. Sooner or later they will be ready on their own to try the potty.

How can I tell when my child should try the potty?

"Pee!": Also if your child only tells you afterwards that they wet their diaper, that is already a good step forward – they are consciously aware of their excretions and recognize the connection between emptying bladder and bowels and a full diaper.

Interest in the potty: Children react very differently on first contact with a potty and the toilet. If there is a basic interest and your child has understood the function of the potty, toilet training can begin.

Diaper frustration: If children find their diaper bothersome, that can be a sign that they want to be clean. No more annoying packages on the bottom – being diaper-free offers much more freedom of movement.

Toilet training without frustration – Our tips

• No set goals: The third birthday or starting kindergarten should not be deadlines for becoming dry. Allow your child to go at their own pace.

• Don't compare: Children of the same age start becoming diaper-free at very different times. Some start at 18 months, others still have no interest at 28 months or later. This development doesn't necessarily follow the same pattern among siblings either.

• Don't force it: Don't let your child sit on the potty too often and never for too long if they don't need to. That only creates stress - and the bladder and bowel react very sensitively to that.

• Be there: Diapering is always a moment of closeness between parents and child. Some children miss that when they sit alone on the potty. So stay with them at first and encourage your child - it makes the transition easier.

• Accept accidents: Asked twice and then the pants are wet after all: children cannot reliably say immediately when they will need to go next. Even if it sometimes seems intentional - don't scold them if something goes wrong again.

Dry through the night

Most children are dry during the day earlier than at night. There is no fixed rule for when your child should manage nights without a diaper. Before going to bed, you should regularly take them to the toilet one more time. If the diaper stays dry for about ten nights in a row, that's a good time to omit the diaper at night. A washable mattress protector protects the bed and can be quickly changed in a nighttime emergency – it's best to have a spare one.

Still not dry?

The time span between first contact with the potty and finally becoming reliably dry during the day and night can be very long. Many parents are unsettled when becoming dry doesn't go completely smoothly. Usually, initial problems resolve by themselves with a bit of patience.

• Dry nights: Many children who have been dry during the day for a while still need a diaper at night. This can have various reasons and is not a cause for concern. Only if your child is still not dry through the nights by school-starting age should the pediatrician check for possible physical causes.

• Psychological causes: If children still have persistent problems with becoming dry at five years old or later, this can be a sign of psychological stress. In such cases, the cause of stress or anxiety should be explored very gently and measures taken – possibly with outside help.

• Wearing a diaper in kindergarten: Many parents set the goal that their child should be clean when they start kindergarten. Completely unnecessary – professional educators are aware of developmental differences among children and take them into account in the lively daycare routine. In addition, every three-year-old has a legal entitlement to a kindergarten place, whether they are dry or not.

Off to dryness:

To-dos for toilet training

• Be attentive: Pay attention to your child's signals – and accept that they may not yet be ready

• Use the potty only in the bathroom – this helps your child get used to the toilet faster

• Practice the routine: Open pants, wipe the bottom, wash hands and turn the light on or off

• Be consistent: 'Every now and then' still using a diaper usually prolongs toilet training. Exception: diarrhea

• Avoid pressure: Don't set deadlines for getting dry for yourself or your child

• Let them watch: Children learn from their parents and siblings – even when using the toilet

• Find the right way: Potty, child toilet seat or toilet chair – find out what works best for your child